Here is a good one to end the week: Reader “A” (I cloaked her name and state) wrote recently to ask for help in responding to what she called “social backlash” — negative reactions from people in her social sphere who can’t comprehend her passion for mid century design. What shall we advise her, fellow Retro Renovators? Read on for her tale….
“A” writes”
Pam,
I’m new to your blog, and I absolutely love it, but if I’m asking something you have touched on a million times I apologize. I made an attempt to search, but came up with nothing.
I’m at a bit of a low point right now, and I’d love some reassurance or commiseration of any sort — or hey– even a reality check!
I’m just starting down the road into retroville– truthfully I’ve loved it all for a long time but wasn’t brave enough to really commit until I lived in California and realized there were a lot of people who loved the mid 20th century as much as I did.
I have recently moved back to my hometown area in [state] and have begun searching for a mid century modern home to buy with my husband and kids, and along the way I am thrifting and searching for “old” furniture from the same time period.
My question to you is, do you ever get bogged down by people’s negative reaction to what you are doing or did? And secondly, was it all worth it in the end?
I love my midcentury things, but I am swiftly becoming tired of having to defend my taste to everyone I come in contact with. My husband is sweet and patient with me, but I think he wishes I’d give it up. My kids are nervous about “living in the 60’s” as they put it, and everyone else falls somewhere between thinking I’m crazy to acting genuinely threatened and angry with me for trying to resurrect the past.
I’m honestly shocked, why are people threatened by different design tastes? Have you ever had these types of experiences?
I keep telling myself that when it all comes together it will be so great and it will be all worth it, but sometimes I feel like it would be easier to give it all up.
Isn’t it strange how strongly people react to retro things?
Thanks at the very least for letting me sob on your cyber shoulder, its nice to come here and be with people with like minds.
“A”
“A”, my first thought, when I read your letter, was that I’d tell these rude people, Bite Me. Hence, the always-but-really-probably-never-appropriate Anne Taintor caption. (Better, I think, to take the high road… much as it would feel good [for a moment] to dish it right back.)
Seriously, I do have a way that I would recommend responding. But I will hold back and let the tribe offer up their thoughts and advice first.
Melissa L. says
I’ve only had this kind of comment one time. I had a 1920’s bungalow with craftsman furniture (Stickley!) and a guest said she hated Stickley. Her own home is decorated in the very fussy, antique, rococo aesthetic, which I personally don’t like. I was so floored that I wasn’t able to say anything other than to point out that the chair she was sitting on was Stickley. She at least had the grace to turn bright red. I really like James Owens’ response the best: to say that you are being true to your home and its style and that the world just hasn’t caught up yet. It is true and not either aggressive or passive aggressive. I’d add that you can afford to buy real quality pieces for a reasonable price, and that you prefer that to paying more for newer pieces that are junk.
Amanda says
We faced something similar last month, and sadly, it’s not the first time. My boyfriend bought this funky little 50’s ranch from the son of the man who built and lived in it until the day he died. The neighborhood is full of 1930’s-1940’s style homes, so the neighbors were always curious to see the home, as it was so different than their own homes.
Recently, one neighbor dropped by to see our renovation progress, as it needed some TLC to restore and renovate, and he made a comment to my boyfriend that he “wouldn’t have done it that way” in response to our painstaking paint stripping of the original front door, which is now painted black (which he also didn’t like, and let us know). It took him by surprise, but he let it roll off his back and moved on with the conversation (Our neighbor hadn’t even seen the bathroom yet, in which we saved the giant sea foam green tub and toilet, by adding a matching sink found at a Re-House store, but I’m sure he wouldn’t like that either!)
Later we got to talking about why people feel so inclined to give their design opinion when its not asked for; we have a lot of friends with taste so very different than our own, but we would never tell them that we didn’t like their style, or put down their efforts. We always make a point to comment on something we do like, like a color they chose, or their hard work and the love they put into their project, and how we love the way they put something together so well- as homeowners, we know the pride that comes with the painstaking process of designing your living space (I’m always amazed by how rude people can be to one another about design choices).
I’ve noticed far more negative comments from the older generations; I had one woman tell me that she didn’t like my style because “she lived it, and doesn’t want to go back.” She lived in a time when you didn’t just buy new all the time; consumption was a far bigger luxury, so to her buying new is special to her, and she prefers not to be reminded of a time when she felt guilty about it.
I tell the skeptics that it’s not for everyone, but remind them that it’s an Eco-friendly way to preserve a piece of history, during a time when these kinds of products were made in the good old U S of A and are incredibly well-constructed. I pride myself on buying American-made pieces, right down to my dishware, so I try and re-focus the conversation on a story about where it came from, and why I chose it. That is usually enough to turn the conversation. Good luck!
Unfortunately, we can’t change the tact of people (or lack thereof), so it may be best to focus on why it’s a passion, and how carefully you choose the items you love!
Nick says
Rasal makes a good point about the tastes of your immediate family. Your style may not be their styles. Some give and take between you (and them) may help. Or you may just have to bear it.
My mother went deep into Country design that was counter to the family’s taste. Over a few years, our home transformed with crocks, a milk urn, geese decorated with bows, quaint ceramics, etc. It was all correctly, tastefully done within the Country style. Trouble was, none of us kids liked it. Dad didn’t care and Mom wanted it so that was that. It’s not like we kids were paying the mortgage. But we weren’t quiet when yet another mouse in a gingham apron showed up.
Mary says
If people are judging you on your style, you need new friends! Our home is full of retro things, many things our friends wouldn’t put into their homes, but they LOVE our house. It is warm and cozy and there is always something to look at and talk about.
Marjie says
Hello from Minnesota!
Please don’t loose patience in finding the right things for your home.Yes, it may take a while but don’t make the mistake ( I have) by buying something made of el cheepo chip board that was made overseas – such things rarely fit into MCM homes, the scale is off. Don’t feel you have to defend any thing, simply say that you’re looking for just the right items to fit the scale of your home.
My el cheepo things are finally gone, and I’ve learned a lot about the importance of suiting my space along the way and to not over fill the spaces. I don’t feel like it’s “living in the 60’s”, but trying to embrace the clean,straightforward beauty of that period. Often it’s the negative ,unadorned spaces or the asymmetrical manner of arranging artwork and furniture that give the space the MCM feel – so you don’t have to waste money on over sized things will only overwhelm the walls of our MCM homes.Just try to stay focused, you are simply being a discriminating customer when it come to making purchases for your home.
John in Jacksonville says
When i was first moving oit of my parents house at 20 and going to antique stores my friends gave me the same reaction. Then once they saw everything they started going themselves. I started a little differently though and here is my advice, dont go 100% vintage right out the gate. Find modern furniture you can get a quality stores that are well designed that look like vintage furniture. I assure you, its in all the popular furniture stores. Get a sofa that looks vintage but is made today same with tue coffe table, but accessorize with vintage. Always good quality great designed items like blenko glass and california pottery. If you enjoy coctails get vintage barware. Let less public rooms like your bedroom be all vintage. This will ease your social group into the idea of vintage. Get things that speak to you, that are good quality items. Great design is great design, no matter the age. Over the years move the new things out and the vintage in. By then they will be used to it and as you move more and more to totally vintage it will be a surprise to no one. As far as a response mine was always this: we all know stuff made back then is better built than today. I like good quality and you wont find that now without paying a huge amount of money. Everyone has their style, and this is mine. I like being unique, and this sets me appart from the masses. And if your social group are into being green, well you cannot be more green than vintage. What you bought isnt polluting our air today, it isnt going into a land fill, and the matterials used was 50 or more years ago and isnt contributing to any of our current environmental problems. Also, antique stores are mom and pop so you are supporting local indipendant business, thrift stores are generally attached to some charity. I frequent the hubbard house, verterans, humane socity, and salvation army. When you go to these places you are helping them raise funds. Being in the vintage life is socially minded. You are also showing appreciation for great design, and retaining our history. Why not be into vintage?
Beth says
I know exactly how this feels! My sister-in-law asked one day, “But, wouldn’t you like a nice new house one day?”
It’s hard, but I just remind myself that some people never understand culture and style. That is their loss; not ours!
Henry Schwaller says
The challenge for any collector – Victorian, Deco, mid-century – is that when items become collectible, a large group of people lived through that era, probably as children, and really, really hate the design aesthetic. So, to them, the stuff they group up with is junk.
I’m a recovering hater of mid century. I grew up with 1960s Danish furniture and all the accessories and told myself I’d never do that again. But I have, and I love it.
My advice is ignore the negative comments. That leaves all of the good stuff for us.
Tom Foolery says
For my situation, you hit the nail on the head. My biggest critic has always been my dad. I always connected more with my grandparents than my folks, and so along the way I started collecting 30’s/40’s/50’s stuff that reminded me of them, I guess. Dad would derisively talk about a friend and I going out “junk hunting”. He meant it as a put-down, but we just thought that it was rather humorous and started using that term ourselves, much to his chagrin.
I got married the year after college and by then had a pretty good stash of retro material to work with. When we bought our first house and my wife went along with/learned to embrace my Depression/postwar decorating schemes, dad was horrified. It looked waaay too much like what he had grown up with (actually, he had literally grown up with some of it – by then my grandfather was in a retirement home and I ended up with his older/ “early marriage” furniture … ) I just shrugged off the catty comments. Actually, over the years I have decided to embrace the “shock factor”. It can actually be kinda fun to watch people’s negative reactions if you don’t let yourself get all wound up about it.
Funny story – about a year after we moved into that first house (built in 1949), it was broken into one afternoon while we were both at work. Drawers were pulled out and the mattresses were off the beds, etc. Just a few things were missing – a Mac computer (the little cube – this was 1991), a small TV, etc. We called the cops out and while they made out a report my wife asked them “why would these people tear our beds apart”? The officer took a looong look around our living room, there was a long pause, and then he stammered “Uh….um….well, they … uh, probably thought old people live here” (i.e. they were looking for money in the mattresses). We were in our mid-20’s at the time. He probably thought we’d be offended, but we both thought it was hilarious. When he said that, I knew we were a complete success in pulling off “The Look”.
Jeanne says
That story is hilarious, Tom (not the fact that you got robbed, but the cops response)!
Jenny A. says
I’m sorry to hear that you are experiencing something like that “A”. If you have ‘friends’ who are genuinely feeling threatened and angry because of your choice of home and design aesthetic due to their own weird insecurities, then you need new friends. That’s, frankly, a little nutty. If your husband is on board, and it sounds like he is even if it’s not entirely enthusiastic, that’s all that matters. My husband doesn’t LOVE our house the way I do, but he likes it and is proud of what we’ve accomplished. Also, the more you participate on sites like this, the more your retro-world will expand and you’ll feel a part of something. You might also check-out meetup groups for retro-lovers in your area or start talking to folks in your local vintage shops. Find more like-minded people to befriend who won’t poo-poo your choices. Finally, keep reminding yourself that it’s your home and you can do whatever you want to it and if other people don’t like it, too bad. As my mother used to say “they can like it or lump it”. If someone has the gall to criticize your choices to your face, you can always smile sadly, shake your head a little and say “I’m sorry that your life is so hollow you need to criticize other people’s choices to make you feel better about your own” and then walk away. Good luck!!
Robin, NV says
There are certain kinds of people who pick on others simply because they like something different. More than anything, it speaks to their own low self esteem . Anything different makes them uncomfortable because it makes them question their own choices.
I’ve run into this problem very rarely but I find that I change a lot of opinions simply by being excited and passionate about the things I love. I wouldn’t go so far as to tell anyone to “bite me,” I just shrug off the negative comments and carry on. Be confident in your decisions and others will respect them.