Here is a good one to end the week: Reader “A” (I cloaked her name and state) wrote recently to ask for help in responding to what she called “social backlash” — negative reactions from people in her social sphere who can’t comprehend her passion for mid century design. What shall we advise her, fellow Retro Renovators? Read on for her tale….
“A” writes”
Pam,
I’m new to your blog, and I absolutely love it, but if I’m asking something you have touched on a million times I apologize. I made an attempt to search, but came up with nothing.
I’m at a bit of a low point right now, and I’d love some reassurance or commiseration of any sort — or hey– even a reality check!
I’m just starting down the road into retroville– truthfully I’ve loved it all for a long time but wasn’t brave enough to really commit until I lived in California and realized there were a lot of people who loved the mid 20th century as much as I did.
I have recently moved back to my hometown area in [state] and have begun searching for a mid century modern home to buy with my husband and kids, and along the way I am thrifting and searching for “old” furniture from the same time period.
My question to you is, do you ever get bogged down by people’s negative reaction to what you are doing or did? And secondly, was it all worth it in the end?
I love my midcentury things, but I am swiftly becoming tired of having to defend my taste to everyone I come in contact with. My husband is sweet and patient with me, but I think he wishes I’d give it up. My kids are nervous about “living in the 60’s” as they put it, and everyone else falls somewhere between thinking I’m crazy to acting genuinely threatened and angry with me for trying to resurrect the past.
I’m honestly shocked, why are people threatened by different design tastes? Have you ever had these types of experiences?
I keep telling myself that when it all comes together it will be so great and it will be all worth it, but sometimes I feel like it would be easier to give it all up.
Isn’t it strange how strongly people react to retro things?
Thanks at the very least for letting me sob on your cyber shoulder, its nice to come here and be with people with like minds.
“A”
“A”, my first thought, when I read your letter, was that I’d tell these rude people, Bite Me. Hence, the always-but-really-probably-never-appropriate Anne Taintor caption. (Better, I think, to take the high road… much as it would feel good [for a moment] to dish it right back.)
Seriously, I do have a way that I would recommend responding. But I will hold back and let the tribe offer up their thoughts and advice first.
Barbara says
I’ve had many people say “your house is so 60s!” I just reply “Thank you!” I’m fortunate, I guess, that most of my friends think that it suits me. Your kids are going to h*** (edited) anything you do, so just do what you want. One way to get your husband on the bandwagon is to explain how well made the furniture is and give him a little education on the makers and history. Take him with you when you shop – I find that men tend to come up to the challenge once they start “helping”.
I think the biggest problem for most people is they believe we mid-century lovers are trying to live in the past. While that might be partly true, the real reason, I believe, is that the past made some pretty nice stuff!
Go with you gut. If you love it, love it!!
Rick S says
I admire an honest effort to make a house a home. No matter what the style. Embrace your style and make it your home.
Even if someone’s home is a style I don’t LOVE I can like “How comfortable the chair is” or “how beautiful that color is”. I remind myself that most people would like some positive feedback to their efforts.
I do remember how my mom deflected similar comments by saying ” Isn’t it great we don’t all love the same things? “.
rick
Patty says
Everyone’s baby/grand baby isn’t cute either but polite society tells the family what a sweet infant indeed!
Gracie says
“Its a good thing someone appreciates history… or there wouldn’t be anything in the Smithsonian. Antiques weren’t antiques in the 100 years following their fall from fashion”.
Michele says
I live in Canada in a 1950 bungalow, which I did not appreciate until we started renovating our bathroom a couple of years ago. I discovered Pam’s blog and used it to redo our bathroom (terrible, terrible condition with dark burgundy walls that I had painted and loved – at first!). Anyway, finding her blog made me appreciate our modest little house. BUT when we started the journey to bring our house back to the fifties we were surprised at the negative comments we received and how hard it was to find coloured 4×4 tiles (white was readily available) and how when we found a tile store that would order them for us, the salesman laughed at my pictures on my laptap (from Pam’s website) and called them “a little ostentatious”… Fast forward a couple of years and my bathroom, my bedroom, my living room and my kitchen are are retro-renovated! I love it, it’s different from anyone else I know and (I think) stylish and unique. Unfortunately, in my neighbourhood they are tearing down these little bungalows and semi-bungalows and putting up McMansions. They want the mature trees and ambience that come with this neighbourhood, but they don’t want an “outdated little shack”. In fact a lot of the houses, when they are put up for sale the ad often suggests that the house is a tear down, the lot is big and why not put up the house of your dreams! Sorry, I went off on a bit of a tangent – the point is if you like it and it makes you feel like you are at home, don’t worry about what other people say. Sometimes I think we are afraid of being “different”, or standing out… decorating our homes is an expression of our artistic sides and without beauty and harmony what’s the point? Without the ability to express this our lives would be very drab indeed… Whew, thanks for letting me get that off my chest! Sorry, for being a little stream of consciousness lol.
TerriLynn says
Actually, I think that if you are spending time with people that would be so rude as to make unkind remarks about your design choices, it shouldnt be about how you should react, it should be about how you go about making new friends.
I have friends who have no style at all, some who have disaster areas for houses, some who have museums for homes, and some who live in granite and stainless show rooms, but would never consider commenting on something unless it was positive. That is a friend.
Kate says
Amen TerriLynn! I feel the same way…and have a similar group of friends and family. 🙂
Alexia says
I think “bite me” is rather polite compared to what I’d be more inclined to say. Then I’d consider whether I wanted to spend my time associating with such rude, clearly superficial people.
HOWEVER, since I take it A is not so inclined to take my approach, I’d smile sweetly and say something like, “Well, I just can’t stand to live in those boring, cookie-cutter houses that everyone else lives in. However do you do it?”.
Wendy in St. Louis says
Alexia, that is the **BEST** comeback on this topic ever!!! Outstanding.
pam kueber says
Yes, I quite like contemplating using this one, too. 🙂
Allison says
Also Pam, I love the picture! I need that on a tshirt 😉 LOL!
Anne Kravet says
People are always wowed by my MCM apartment, but it wouldn’t bother me in the least if someone said something disparaging. 1) I would think that they lacked sophistication to not appreciate the style 2) I would think back to the time, not too long ago, when I didn’t appreciate the style myself. I used to favor a kind of Zen ascetic but after many visits to Florida, I began to be attracted to Heywood Wakefield and tropical barkcloth. I started looking for it – not easy in NYC in pre-Ebay days. Then my father died and and I had to clean out his house and realized that my parent’s bedroom set, which I never liked growing up, was in fact Heywood Wakefield. What an awakening! I looked at everything in their house with new appreciation.
I still can be judgmental about some styles, but one of the things I like about Pam’s website is that she has helped broaden my appreciation of other eras – e.g. the 60s and 70s and better understand the social context. When I go to someone’s house, I generally like the ones that have a strong sense of style – any style. What I can’t understand is why someone would want to be surrounded by “blah”.
pam kueber says
I think people who are surrounded by “blah” are just into other things. We are HIGHLY VISUAL. It is innate, then further learned because we spend so much time refining this talent. Many folks just do not have that gene. They are into other things. For example, I am not a foodie. Foodies probably think I’m crazy. Which I am, because great food is great! Alas, I just have no deep interest…. So see — we all have our passions.
Jeanne says
I think you hit the nail right there, Pam. I’m definitely a visual person and obsessed with aesthetics. It’s definitely a hobby/interest (okay, obsession). I wish I was more into cooking, but I’m just not. I like to eat, though! Some people are just interested in other things. I shudder when I think of this one person I know who went to a low-end local furniture chain and bought a whole living room “group” (lamps, tables and all). I could NEVER in a million years do that. I bet I paid less for most all of my furniture pieces collectively than she did for that low-end group, too. The hunt is part of the fun, too!
Patty says
Some are into blah because they only know how to play it “safe” and need approval of others.
AJ says
Not to be hyperbolic, but am I the only person who feels like some people’s all-out assaults on other people’s home decor are almost akin to bullying? It’s like in junior high, when girls would target other girls just because their clothes weren’t “cool” enough or they didn’t have the “right” hair. I’d no more enter someone’s home and demand an explanation for her interior-design choices than I would walk up to a coworker’s desk and make her justify why she owns the pair of pants she’s wearing.
That being said, some of your acquaintances genuinely might not realize they’re being rude or how upset their comments are making you, and you’re justified in gently calling them on it. A simple “I realize that it isn’t to your taste, but I’m sure you can appreciate that I really like this style and that my home brings me a lot of happiness” is all the explanation they should need, and then leave it at that. If anybody still wants to harp on it, just steer the conversation in a different direction–don’t engage them, and they can’t make their comments.
As for your husband, since you’re still relatively new to collecting vintage, maybe he isn’t concerned about the style itself but is more concerned that this will just be a passing phase for you? I can understand his hesitancy about investing time and money on vintage things if he thinks they’re not going to be around for long and you’re going to want to change things again in a few years. If you can assure him that that’s not the case, and that this is the style that you want to build your home around for the long term, then that might allay his concerns.
Above all, just give it some time. Many people just don’t “get” vintage, and it’s weird to them because it’s so different–a lot of people fear what they don’t understand. The longer you’re collecting and the more your friends and family experience your style, the more “normal” it will become to them. You might even end up converting some of them! In the meantime, there’s a huge online community for vintage lovers. Start following some of the blogs and share your experiences on them when you can so you can connect with like-minded folks. Maybe Pam will let you share some photos of your home when you have it all put together–we’d love to see it!
Robin, NV says
My husband’s main concern about my taste is that if we move, we may be “stuck” with MCM decor (furniture, etc) in a non-MCM house. I tell him not to worry because we will always live in an MCM. But hey! At least he gets it that decor should be authentic to the age of the home.
Becky from Iowa says
Well, that’s not necessarily required. People’s tastes evolved, even though they stayed put. Don’t you think a young couple who started out in a Craftsman bungalow might have decided they loved MCM 30 years later, and simply re-did their decor?
I live in a plain, sturdy 1907 Iowa farmhouse. I don’t feel I have to decorate in a STATIC style, appropriate to the year the house was built. I like to imagine my “Farmhouse Family” growing and changing over the years, and their furniture styles and taste did, too. (as did mine!) So, upstairs, we have a Granny Room, with Edwardian golden oak furniture, an iron bed, etc. The master bedroom got updated in the mid-60’s, and has all Broyhill Emphasis, abstract art, and murano. 🙂 Downstairs, the kitchen got “stuck” in the cheerful ’40s (red, blue and yellow knick knacs and colors, early formica table and chairs, white painted pine cabinets, and so forth. But my imaginary family really fell HARD for Danish Modern, and re-did the entire living room in teak and walnut, burnt orange, teal, grey and green, abstract leaf motifs, hair pin legs, rya rugs, grass cloth and swag lamps. The downstairs bathroom is early 50’s seaside kitsch. At the moment, my Imaginary Family tossed out all their Craftsman/Mission furniture and Art Nouveau dining room stuff, and are happily making over the dining room to look like mid-to-late Sixties: turquoise, orange, yellow, Broyhill Sculptra furniture, a left over Eames plywood chair, a bright pop of turquoise molded fiberglass arm chair, wild pole lamps and orange slag swags, and an off white shag rug on newly shiny, refinished wood floors. More abstract art, and Mod dinnerware. And so it goes…
Robin, NV says
Becky – you are absolutely correct. I didn’t mean to sound like I think everyone should have period correct decor in their houses. For me, because my house was built in ’62, I like to incorporate 60s decor. But everyone should be free to decorate as they see fit.
Patty says
Your house sounds fun and interesting. Can’t say that about a lot of homes.
Melissa says
If you want to try a different method, you could also mention that retro and vintage is actually really in right now – give examples like Retro Renovation with their 32-thousand facebook following, ModCloth.com and their 950 thousand facebook following, and Thrive.com, and it’s a growing trend and it’s them who needs to get on the bandwagon. They can go online and be amazed at how much some of that stuff is worth now, as well. Point being, don’t be upset by what comes out of the ignorant.