Here is a good one to end the week: Reader “A” (I cloaked her name and state) wrote recently to ask for help in responding to what she called “social backlash” — negative reactions from people in her social sphere who can’t comprehend her passion for mid century design. What shall we advise her, fellow Retro Renovators? Read on for her tale….
“A” writes”
Pam,
I’m new to your blog, and I absolutely love it, but if I’m asking something you have touched on a million times I apologize. I made an attempt to search, but came up with nothing.
I’m at a bit of a low point right now, and I’d love some reassurance or commiseration of any sort — or hey– even a reality check!
I’m just starting down the road into retroville– truthfully I’ve loved it all for a long time but wasn’t brave enough to really commit until I lived in California and realized there were a lot of people who loved the mid 20th century as much as I did.
I have recently moved back to my hometown area in [state] and have begun searching for a mid century modern home to buy with my husband and kids, and along the way I am thrifting and searching for “old” furniture from the same time period.
My question to you is, do you ever get bogged down by people’s negative reaction to what you are doing or did? And secondly, was it all worth it in the end?
I love my midcentury things, but I am swiftly becoming tired of having to defend my taste to everyone I come in contact with. My husband is sweet and patient with me, but I think he wishes I’d give it up. My kids are nervous about “living in the 60’s” as they put it, and everyone else falls somewhere between thinking I’m crazy to acting genuinely threatened and angry with me for trying to resurrect the past.
I’m honestly shocked, why are people threatened by different design tastes? Have you ever had these types of experiences?
I keep telling myself that when it all comes together it will be so great and it will be all worth it, but sometimes I feel like it would be easier to give it all up.
Isn’t it strange how strongly people react to retro things?
Thanks at the very least for letting me sob on your cyber shoulder, its nice to come here and be with people with like minds.
“A”
“A”, my first thought, when I read your letter, was that I’d tell these rude people, Bite Me. Hence, the always-but-really-probably-never-appropriate Anne Taintor caption. (Better, I think, to take the high road… much as it would feel good [for a moment] to dish it right back.)
Seriously, I do have a way that I would recommend responding. But I will hold back and let the tribe offer up their thoughts and advice first.
Blondie7 says
We must remember that people will always have negative comments to say no matter what. Therefore, who freaking cares what people have to say about high quality stuff (which stood the test of time)? Who is to say that these people have high quality, sexy and beautiful style anyway? Have you seen the cheaply made products that are sold in stores today? Products made today could never compare to products made in Victorian, art deco and MCM (1950s-1970s) times.
Heck, the majority of these negative people for anything MCM/vintage are forgetting that: Many Hollywood actresses/actors, musicians, singing artists, talk show hosts, political people etc. (whom they bow down to and worship) homes are filled to the max with MCM, French provincial, art deco décor, and antique artifacts. Therefore, these people which have negative comments for family, friends, and associates for having quality/superb products in their home, but admire their favorite superstar’s home filled with MCM/vintage goodies, are misguided to criticize their Family/friends vintage décor, but praise TV personalities vintage décor (strange but true).
Just let Paris Hilton talk about MCM all across the air waves, and millions upon millions will do whatever they can to get MCM into their homes (trust me).
Steven Lamb says
I live in a 1906 house full of historically correct furniture, various arts and crafts artifacts including a Frank Lloyd Wright rug and real Greene and Greene lanterns. My kitchen appliances are all 1955. I drive a 1938 Buick and a 1940 Ford truck. My studio building is a Usonian Style that compliments my 1906 house and my more modern work. No tool in there, including my drafting tools is newer than 1947. I LIKE THIS STUFF. Your friends are addicted to being normal. Poor Darlings. Get some real friends. No I don’t live in the past, I am recycling in the present/future.
Delaine Zody says
Love this reply, Steven. So good to hear about people who don’t just throw it out and get something new. That’s how I feel about my 70s house. And how my husband feels about his ’91 Mazda. As long as these items work for us, why should be buy something new?
flyingethan says
Ya, I can relate. Try being a lover of all things 70’s. I love the 50’s, 60’s and even some 80’s decor too. But, I love the 70’s and backdated my house to the 70’s, avocado appliances, shag and all. The house was built in 1973 so it feels natural in it’s backdated state. I am 42 so it feels comfortable to me like when I was a kid.
But, man, so many people are h****s (edited) of 70’s decor. My wife and I don’t care. We love it and the house is awesome with a huge yard. I just tell people that “we love it and we don’t care what anybody else thinks”. That seems to end any negativity right then and there. My kids baulked at first but four years later our house is the house where the all the kids want to hang out. My daughter (the oldest) is now really proud of our house and notices how “homey” our house feels and how her friends would rather come over to our house than my daughter go to their house. Sometimes we just tell others that ” we’re a little wacky and we LIKE it that way.”
Joanna says
You poor thing. I know you’ve gotten a lot of replies, but hopefully you make it to this one. You being “different” and liking things “out of the norm” can be threatening to people. I’ve been “different” all my life. I was a scrappy punk kid with multi colored hair and moved into 50s-60s style fashion in high school (and i’m still there now). I’m also heavily tattooed. Complete strangers often come up to me asking why “a pretty girl would ruin her body”. As hard as it is to not verbally slay them, I tell them I do things for ME and not them. I do things that make ME happy. I continue to tell them that I am happy I live in a country that allows me to do so and if they don’t like it…that’s fine. They’re lucky to live in a country that allows them to have that opinion too. I then say that as long as it’s not harming anyone, it’s fine. I say all that in kindness and they usually end up having a million questions for me. It’s funny how things turn around. 🙂
As far as your family goes, keep lines of communication open. Of course compromise, but let your spouse and children know that these things make you incredibly happy…and when you’re happy, you’ll ensure they’re happy, too!
Overall, stay positive and try to stay in the mindset that the world isn’t against you…they’re probably just curious about you!
-Joanna
Daniel says
Oh, god, yeah. I bought my magical castle from my grandparents’ estate—it was built in 1950 and is where my father grew up. I have all the blueprints and engineering bid specs and new old stock original wallpaper remnants, etc. It’s not a dead museum, it’s a living house, so there’s no sharp cutoff on the age of things allowed in, but I do try to respect the original intent and aesthetic and I love it (which is all that matters). Nevertheless, I do get dumb, thoughtless remarks from people: “Oh, this has so much potential!” “Oh, you could rip this all out and update it with Corian counters”, etc. Pfft. I’m reaching the point where I will no longer put any effort towards resisting my urge to mouth off right back at such idiocy.
Pmeister says
Be glad that they don’t “get it’. If they did, they’d be fighting you for the bargains and invading your secret hunting spots. Just smile. It’s their problem, not yours. The heart wants what it wants.
Steven Lamb says
NO KIDDING! I am overjoyed they are happy with IKEA and not competing with me for stuff…
Blondie7 says
We must remember that people will always have negative comments to say no matter what. Therefore, who freaking cares what people have to say about high quality stuff (which stood the test of time)? Who is to say that these people have high quality, sexy and beautiful style/taste anyway? Have you seen the cheaply made products that are sold in stores today? Products made today could never compare to products made in Victorian, art deco and MCM (1950s-1970s) times.
Heck, the majority of these negative people for anything MCM/vintage are forgetting that: Many Hollywood actresses/actors, musicians, singing artists, talk show hosts, political people etc. (whom they bow down to and worship) homes are filled to the max with MCM, French provincial, art deco décor, and antique artifacts. Therefore, these people which have negative comments for family, friends, and associates for having quality/superb products in their home, but admire their favorite superstar’s home filled with MCM/vintage goodies, are unstable, fickle, and brained washed to criticize vintage décor.
Just let Paris Hilton talk about MCM all across the air waves, and millions upon millions will do whatever they can to get MCM into their homes (trust me).
Puddletown Cheryl says
Remember that people who h***(edited)/criticize are very unhappy people. People who are happy and contented don’t make other’s feel bad. It helps me to remember that so I can take the high road. I feel happy if I don’t put others down, unless they are hurting others who then need to be defended.
Remember, that the RR tribe is always here to buck you up. Pam’s and therefore our philosophy is don’t criticize others decorating choices. So we will love whatever choices you make, if it makes you happy.
Paula Webb says
What attracts us esthetically can at times make no sense, even to us. I grew up in an early 60’s house with a varnished birch that made me crazy. I couldn’t wait to leave it for our new, modern (1982) house. The first house I owned was an late 90’s condo with more greige than most would care for (but I liked) which we left for a 1957 daylight ranch with, you guessed it, a varnished birch kitchen that I love. Our house and our taste isn’t for everyone and I am ok with that. It is ours and we like it and in the end that is all that matters.
MCModest Marty says
What a lot of wisdom here! I have always had “different” tastes than my peers and I know it can hurt when people put down your choices, in design or other things. I wish I could be one the lucky people who don’t give a hoot, but I think either you have that quality or you don’t. The arrogant and insensitive types are everywhere and sometimes unavoidable! I think of it as the Howard Stern Syndrome, prizing brutal honesty above everything else, and everyone here has given great ways of dealing with that.
I just wanted to add that with kids, it’s almost a given that they will at some point disapprove of their parents’ choices in just about everything! Kids are the ultimate lemmings. “All the other kids do it” seems to be their guiding principle, and being “different” is like the kiss of death. In their teens they will want to do the opposite of whatever their parents do, just for the sake of rebellion. A parent can’t win! Just let them express themselves in their own spaces and try to teach them tolerance for other peoples’ tastes and opinions. And to repeat the obvious, it isn’t the furnishings that make a house a home. You wouldn’t want your family to get the impression that they are less important to you than your decorating fun. And no one wants to live in a museum, right? I wonder about that sometimes when I see the gorgeous time-capsule homes here. Were they homey-homes, or were the occcupants all slaves to Style?
it’s even possible your kids could do a complete reversal and learn to love MC. Or maybe years from now, one of them might see an MCM accessory and piece of furniture and decide to buy it “because it reminds me of Home”!