Today, I present 1960s polka-dot Formica Girl in a catfight smackdown against Medusa, the gorgon sister whose monstrous gaze turned mortal men to stone. Guess whose side I’m on? Warning: Uncharacteristic and generally-frowned-upon rant follows.
I have been looking at vacation condos in Florida recently. Everywhere you turn it’s: Granite on the countertops, bigggggg slabs o’ faux stone ceramic on the floors and backsplashes and even UP THE WALLS and not just on the bathrooms walls either. Shoot me.
All these baked surfaces are hard, cold, and they echo. The scale is usually way off. Moreover, the mass of stuff I’ve seen is just cheap crappola Applied All Over the Place. Sorry for my french and for breaking my rule about “not making anyone feel bad for their decisions.” But this mass hypnosis of the American public — which seems to go hand-in-hand with the Greige Nation — is just a crying shame. I am Very Tolerant about design choices. I really truly am. But this fixation on putting granite, faux-stone ceramic, stone and marble on every surface is Not Good. It is Not Attractive. I was not really aware of how bad it was, until I went condo shopping. Stop, America, stop!
I am a big fan of “mixing things up” when it comes to surfaces. Ceramic and/or marble and/or even some granite in the house is fine — in appropriate measures. Wood floors, cork, linoleum, VCT, carpet, rugs = Yes, there are so many choices, mix it up, have some fun! For midcentury modern and modest houses alike, laminate countertops are what’s *authentic* to the period. They usually suit the unpretentious character of the house.
Close your eyes to Medusa. Embrace Formica Girl and all her life-giving polka dot loveliness. Thanks to Formica blog for giving me permission to use their lovely photo. I’m sure they weren’t expecting this.
Jen J Walker says
hah I love this! This sounds like snippets from rants that I would make over the last six months trying to find materials for my house. I was freaking out about how annoying granite is and yet that was all that I could find.
I had to redo my entire 1920s row house from the bones after a fire. In fact, when looking for contractors to do the job, one tried to ARGUE why we SHOULD HAVE granite, stone, and marble and blah blah blah. I knew he wasn’t for me. He was ignoring me when I was saying I was going Retro on purpose. He didn’t understand why I wanted metal banding around the counters. Basically, his job was generally to redo row home shells and flip them.That was what he wanted to put into my house.The guy that we chose to do the work was very understanding. He admitted to me afterward that he had NO idea where I was going and then when he saw the kitchen finished he GOT IT. He just bought what I wanted, painted like I said, and put things the way I wanted them to be. I found out they took pics and were sending it to their family bragging about the retro job they did in my kitchen. He came back to do a half bath addition a week ago and was excitedly telling me about all these new vintage tiles and colors that he found out are coming back on the market.(He knows I want to redo my bathroom and mudroom someday. heh)
I found a lovely boomerang patterned laminate that I wanted for my counters and I got it. The flooring that I got was black and white ceramic tile. I went to EVERY STORE in the area and NO ONE had it in stock. Everything was beige, white, eggshell, creme. Nothing was even available to order in any colors at many places. It blew my mind because they called B&W tile dated. I see it ALL OVER the place in cafes, restaurants, & even used by lots of set designers now on TV kitchens. I guess they are used to people getting the stick on kinds for people or something.
It’s just so ridiculous when obviously there is a market for it. I am glad some manufacturers are starting to get on the ball but I wish places made it easier to get the goods so that everything doesn’t have to be ordered from far, far away.
Annie B. says
You get sick of hearing retailers say things like, “we haven’t stocked anything like THAT in YEARS”. Then, they give you “the Look”.
Kelly says
I agree, the amount of stone used everywhere is excessive. I was married to someone who did fix and flips and granite was absolutely the only thing he would use in the kitchen because “it is what everyone wants”. It is boring and overdone. Ick.
vivian says
Do guns kill people? Do people with guns kill people? Similarly, don’t hate granite, stoneware, stainless steal for their properties. These materials can be used to create beautiful environments. Realize that not every DIYer has the great vision or sense of style no matter what material they work with.
pam kueber says
yes — I agree. It’s always a difficulty when I start to rant: It’s about EXCESS that I complain.
Emily says
I blame the proliferation of granite on HGTV. I am fortunate to have the coveted Terrazzo in my S. FL. MCM home and love it. The unfortunate part is that it is being held hostage by Mexican Tile in all the rooms except the bedrooms. Oh how I despise that Mexican tile and look forward to the day the Terrazzo is liberated.
Marta says
Here’s my problem with putting tile floors in kitchens; Do these people never drop a dish? With lino, or vinyl, or wood, there’s a good chance it won’t break. Tile is entirely a lose/lose situation. Either what you dropped will break, or the tile will break.
The floor I’ve always longed to put in my kitchen no longer exists. I’ve never even seen one. It was described in one of Shirley Jackson’s books about her home life in the 50’s, a linoleum selected by her and her son Laurie, white with drops like paint splatters in bright reds, yellows, blues, and greens. I’ve seen splatter pattern floors, of course, but none in the cheery bright colors described by Ms. Jackson.
Annie B. says
Have you seen Armstrong Commercial Excelon Companion Square VCT tiles in “Party White”?
Jackie says
Annie, I put that in my mid century kitchen when we were stationed in Tucson about 8 years ago. It was perfect and it was easy to keep clean if you put a commercial liquid wax on it.
Dulcie says
It’s not only dropped dishes that tile destroys. We lived in many houses with ceramic tile floors when we were doing the rental roulette and man, were those things tough on feet and calves. The hard unforgiving tile just killed my legs.
Another thing is that all that granite/stone is cold. I don’t care what you set your thermostat at, when it’s 20 degrees outside, that stuff is going to make your house cold and uncomfortable, unless you go with in-floor heat, but that’s a whole ‘nother discussion.
Kate H says
I have broken: all but two wine glasses, too many pyrex dishes to count, one bottle of hot sauce (full), three water glasses and a plastic tumbler. And I bent an aluminum pot out of true. All because I have those greige tile floors and granite countertops. I now stock up on pyrex at estate sales.
Nicole says
I know that this is over a year later, but I just had to share that my great aunt has this floor in her custom build 1957-59 house! She also has red linen laminate countertops with metal edging. It breaks my heart to know that when she leaves that house, I’m sure the new owners will gut it. But the floor is fantastic: one of those things that you would never think to do but looks fabulous. It’s especially cool since the rest of the room is really colonial feeling.
Boyd says
Went to the granite and marble dealer to pick out marble for kitchen counters and was amazed at the selection. We could buy marble from Italy, Pakistan, China and India a lot cheaper than from 60 miles away in North Georgia.
Lee in Florida says
Florida condos have never been a bastion of good taste, anyway. Remember when everything was plastic rattan and whitewashed plastic bamboo? Ick.
Ellen says
Hello, I’m a Realtor & historic preservation aficionado, and I HATE the mindset that you *must* have granite or you are going to be consigned to the Pit of Never Selling. Too often on renovations, it sticks out like a sore thumb. Don’t put those faux columns in the dining room, either, in your 1910 period folk Victorian cottage. Oh my eyes!
Jennifer Kepesh says
NO MORE STONE! I couldn’t agree more. I’ve now lived with countertops of ceramic tile (ugh), lower-quality formica, a little granite (not in my house), and, now for our kitchen remodel, we went with stained & sealed birch plywood. Total cost, including backsplash, was under $400 to install. It is warm and lovely. While I don’t deliberately mistreat it, I know that all accidents can be sanded and re-stained, and if I feel like changing the color, it’s just a weekend’s worth of staining away.
Clare Crigger says
I am so very tired of granite
countertops and stainless steel appliances.
Kelly says
Me too! It is overdone and tired.