Here is a good one to end the week: Reader “A” (I cloaked her name and state) wrote recently to ask for help in responding to what she called “social backlash” — negative reactions from people in her social sphere who can’t comprehend her passion for mid century design. What shall we advise her, fellow Retro Renovators? Read on for her tale….
“A” writes”
Pam,
I’m new to your blog, and I absolutely love it, but if I’m asking something you have touched on a million times I apologize. I made an attempt to search, but came up with nothing.
I’m at a bit of a low point right now, and I’d love some reassurance or commiseration of any sort — or hey– even a reality check!
I’m just starting down the road into retroville– truthfully I’ve loved it all for a long time but wasn’t brave enough to really commit until I lived in California and realized there were a lot of people who loved the mid 20th century as much as I did.
I have recently moved back to my hometown area in [state] and have begun searching for a mid century modern home to buy with my husband and kids, and along the way I am thrifting and searching for “old” furniture from the same time period.
My question to you is, do you ever get bogged down by people’s negative reaction to what you are doing or did? And secondly, was it all worth it in the end?
I love my midcentury things, but I am swiftly becoming tired of having to defend my taste to everyone I come in contact with. My husband is sweet and patient with me, but I think he wishes I’d give it up. My kids are nervous about “living in the 60’s” as they put it, and everyone else falls somewhere between thinking I’m crazy to acting genuinely threatened and angry with me for trying to resurrect the past.
I’m honestly shocked, why are people threatened by different design tastes? Have you ever had these types of experiences?
I keep telling myself that when it all comes together it will be so great and it will be all worth it, but sometimes I feel like it would be easier to give it all up.
Isn’t it strange how strongly people react to retro things?
Thanks at the very least for letting me sob on your cyber shoulder, its nice to come here and be with people with like minds.
“A”
“A”, my first thought, when I read your letter, was that I’d tell these rude people, Bite Me. Hence, the always-but-really-probably-never-appropriate Anne Taintor caption. (Better, I think, to take the high road… much as it would feel good [for a moment] to dish it right back.)
Seriously, I do have a way that I would recommend responding. But I will hold back and let the tribe offer up their thoughts and advice first.
Gavin in the UK says
For what its worth it’s the same here in the UK. I have been into 1930s-60s stuff since the 1980s so have had plenty of negative reactions over the years, from parents to work colleagues, neighbours and now even my 10 year old son. When searching for our MCM home I invariably got the same reaction from Estate Agents (Realtors to you folks) “oh, so you want something to knock down and replace with something new…?) It does get depressing but now, with the internet and places like Retro Renovation (Thanks Pam!) I know I am not alone and just smile at their sheep-like ignorance and move on. Stick with it!
Chad says
If you think bite me is too much but they’re really too obnoxious to deserve a polite response, you could always take the middle ground and go with a nice straightforward “It’s none of your business”
Wendy in St. Louis says
Wow – I have never had anyone say anything so rude – where do you live?! Responses that come to mind include biting commentary on lemmings, granite, ss and greige. But I would probably just use the tried and true of outing their rudeness. Any one of the following – “Excuse me?” “Pardon me?” “I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.” – accompanied by an incredulous look, and then dead silence.
If that’s uncomfortable for you, just give a quizzical look and start a new topic. You don’t have to defend your choices to anyone.
J D Log says
People usually react with awe when they see the place and my lifestyle or they h*** it. To each their own. At worst people think I am eccentric, in answer to the critics I say life is to short.
Everyone usually has a passion for something eg overseas holidays, the latest iphone etc, live your passion and enjoy it as long as your not hurting anyone else. I invite people out to our annual 50’s fair to show them I’m not the only one who loves this lifestyle, go with your heart.
lynda says
And isn’t wonderful that there are so many passions to make people happy. Just remember to also understand that others have different tastes that to them are just as correct as yours. I think when you don’t worry what others think, you are settled in life!
Robin says
I put a big grin on my face and simply tell people that I buy what I love!
deb says
Personally, I like “bite me” best, but I understand that could offend. Maybe work the “keeping the landfills emptier” or some such response angle? People who don’t agree will likely never agree, so maybe just give a Mona Lisa smile and say absolutely nothing to drive them a little crazy because you know something they don’t?
Norm says
Here is how I would put it:
“I want to live with good design…house, furnishings etc…But, I am not a wealthy person and can’t afford to hire an architect to design my house or have the money to purchase “high end” furniture and accessories. So, what is the alternative? Buy used. Used house, used furniture, used dishes…all designed by people that knew what they were doing and not churned out with little thought to longevity or usefulness.
If you want to settle with what is currently available (new) to live in and use on a daily basis go for it. I have no interest in living with junk.
But thats just me:-)”
Chris says
You know, that last post sounded really selfish. I didn’t mean for it to. It makes it sound like I hoard all the old stuff without wanting to share. Just trying to find a positive in the negative! 🙂
JKaye says
Don’t worry, Chris. There are variations on that theme — my fisherman husband jokes that he’s glad there are so many golfers. That means those people aren’t out fishing, which means more fish for him to catch. (And of course, he takes along a retro-era minnow bucket with a cool graphic on the side that I found for him…)
Jay says
No need to apologize. I think we probably all want to hoard this stuff.
Shara says
I am a total MCM hoarder and I think there is no need to apologize for that. We all want to find that amazing deal or that one piece that makes it all fit together. I know that is what takes me out f the house to the local thrift stores on a weekly basis. I feel that the search for that one item is what make collecting half the fun.
Chris says
I feel your pain! We live in a little 1934 “grandma house” and I love it! I fully embrace the period and the look and wouldn’t have it any other way. One of my husband’s colleagues looked around and said, “wow, you’re really lucky you both like this…. “look.” What are the chances?” LOL! Another friend asked “so, if you could have your dream house, what kind of house would you have instead?” Love that one! Honestly, I just let these folks do their thing. The fewer retro-lovers we have out there, the more stuff there is for us! I think MCM is getting too popular as it is, which is making it more difficult to furnish our homes with affordable, authentic pieces! I’m sure there are exceptions, but I’ve found that having an affinity for the past is just something that’s in you. If it’s not there, no amount of education or convincing will sway a person to that sort of retro-love. (We should keep trying, though!)
Roundhouse sarah says
Wow ‘A’ I’m kind of perplexed at your friends’ attitudes! I was thinking perhaps it’s geographical but I live in the deeeeep south (any deeper and ill be ankle high in BP oil) and no one talks to me that way… Then I thought it must be generational… All my friends that are my age (25-30) think my style is awesome, olds (40-65) with style think its charming and olds without style don’t get it. I think it has to do with evoking memories too. Some people liked growing up in that era while others did not.
But what makes them think they can be so brutally honest? I’ve gone to so many houses in which I thought the decor was boring or yuck but I certainly don’t open my mouth and say that to the owners face! Tact people! And when I do overhear some retro hate at a garage sale or something I get defensive… Ill try to explain why I think it’s cool to the ones hating. But that’s me… If someone came over and made me feel bad about my decorating choices, I’d be calling them out on their over stuffed, burgundy and green, fleur-de-lis, blinged out sh*t !! I think you gave them a taste of their own medicine just once they may realize they need to zip it! Then find new friends at estate sales!!
P.s. olds don’t get mad at me for calling you olds! I love you guys!
Mel says
Sarah! I totally agree with you about the blunt opinions from A’s circles. Weren’t these people told that old axiom, “If you can’t say anything nice…”? SHEESH.
And you may not understand it now, but calling someone who’s forty an “old”? Well, that will never end well. I would try and think of another term for us “olds”, because I can assure you – at 45, I am anything BUT “old”. How about “seasoneds”? Or “wisers”? Or “Youth+”? 🙂
Ginene says
Calling anyone, any age, “Olds” is just rude.
Jacks says
yeah drop the olds bit… you will be 49 1/2 one day.
Nicole says
Yeah,,,not olds….personally I’ll consider myself ‘old’ when I’m dying my hair blue…I’m 54 and consider myself lucky to have ‘lived’ in ‘Retro’..I kind of like ‘experienced’ (like Hendricks said ‘are you…’)
Kay J says
Hey – I’m 61 and dye my hair blue. Of course it’s cobalt streaks – not my granny’s silver blue. But I agree – I’m not “old”!
Mary says
OLDS? Old is 90. I am 50 and most of my friends LOVE Mid Century Modern. The majority of the mid century modern lovers we know are 40-60. Stereo typing and labeling is just as bad as the rude people that cut down the style. My mom grew up in the 50’s, I didn’t. People that grew up in the era are often the ones that do not care for the style. For example, no 80’s mauve and blue for me!!
pam kueber says
I don’t have wrinkles — I have patina. And everyone knows that’s very valuable!
pam kueber says
Mary, roundhouse sarah is a good friend of the blog. I am SURE she is saying that with great affection. I tend to think that when we were all VERY YOUNG we looked upward and thought others were olds. We get over that notion soon enough!!
chris says
I dunno…. I just turned 47 and I told my husband I no longer feel like I’m near the end of my youth — but like I’m at the beginning of old age! But what the heck, I’m getting ready to embrace elastic-waist pants and bifocals!
pam kueber says
nooooooooooooooooooo: instead, get personal trainer and well, at least, trendy bifocals!
Nina462 says
I was just ‘carded’ for buying a lottery tix. The guy said I didn’t look 40, so he had to check. I’m 51!!!! so, it doesn’t have to be ‘oldsville’. I like the term ‘classic’. I’m a classic!
And some of my friends don’t get the retro look, but then again, I don’t get the McMansion look. I think of it as a waste of money/space. I also don’t get the Victorian style. But my true friends don’t harp on it…they accept me as I am. Anyone, who’s not a friend and makes a comment- I either ignore them or try to educate them on the fine fundamentals of MCM style. Water off a ducks back, I say.
Good thing there’s lots of MCM people here in the Midwest where I live.
Jay says
Oh boy! I am laughing. I thought some fur might fly over the age comments but I am sure it was not written to offend anyone. I will be 55 in December and suspect this blog’s fandom is evenly divided between those under 50 and those over 50.
pam kueber says
Age of blog readers spans them all. I think that what binds us is our “highly tuned visual intelligence.” It’s not an age thing in general — although Sarah is correct in that today’s weebits love the retro — they have no “baggage”.
June Cahill says
🙂 – first time I’ve been referred to as ‘Olds…”;) – hehehe – really? I’m 55, and have LOVED this style ever since I grew up with it in my own childhood – We lived in the mid-west – Chicago, Indiana and my Mom was an artist. Our home was sleek sofas (no over-stuffed sofas for her!), ceramic lamps, slate entrys, sunrooms, grasscloth walls. Everything that now feels ‘cozy’ and ‘familiar’ to me. I do get some comments about how my home feels like ‘going back in time’ – but I don’t take them as criticism. My home feels GOOD TO ME! I don’t really care about what anyone else says or thinks. They don’t need to live here – I do! Enjoy being able to choose what you like and what feels good to you! One of the pleasures of adulthood! As long as your husband goes along with you now, you may be surprised one day when he proclaims it was ‘all his idea…’;)
Jan says
Actually, given that my grandmother just turned 100 in August and moves around better than my 79-year-old dad and is charismatic and charming no matter what circle she’s in, I’d say ‘old’ can’t be 90 – it has to be something way over 100!
Seriously, though, I have never, never had anyone trash my love of mid-century. Those who like it, too, well…you know how they react. Those who didn’t like it then, don’t like it now, or just plain don’t understand it, just think I’m a little quirky or odd, but they just go along with it – there are even a couple of them who prefer Victorian or Edwardian stuff and go to estate sales who pick up stuff they think I’ll like! I’ve never had to “defend” my choice, but I’ve sometimes explained why – and it’s usually the “it was just made better back then” part of my explanation that is enough for them. My mom, who doesn’t like it as a style choice herself (but loves the memories it evokes), loves that I love it. I didn’t always love it – I grew up in the late 1950s, the 1960s and the very early 1970s, and there was a time when I didn’t like it because I’d lived with it already. But that didn’t last long!
I think it may be the people I’m around, young or “wiser” – the people I choose to have around me are pretty tolerant of the choices of others. I certainly don’t think it’s my region. I’m pretty sure that if someone – anyone – was rude to me about my style choice, they’d not be around me again. I wouldn’t be rude back (although I, too, would love to tell them to “bite me!”), but they would just disappear from my world, in a manner of speaking.
As for my family – I’d gently talk with my husband, but of course, I’d want him to have input in the design decisions, too. The kids really aren’t “growing up in the ’60s” – remind them that when they have a place of their own, they’ll be free to decorate it the way they choose. My kids either find my mid-century choices just fine, or they really don’t care. And my late husband loved it – he may just have been more kitschy than me!
And every step has been very much “worth it!”
John K says
June…I agree with you! I will soon be 55 and like you, I have always loved this style since I was a kid back in the 1960s. My parents built our 3 bedroom split level suburban home in 1963 and my sister and I went to all the places my parents went to select everything from furniture to carpeting to appliances and even the doorknobs (Cavalier by Arrow Locks). We lived there for 24 years. I still think about that house and miss it! As an adult, I have my entire house in the 1960s style and I mean everything right down to 1960s Bell System Touch Tone telephones (they work forever)! I was lucky enough to find a 1963 Drexel king bedroom set in tip top condition and it looks way better than any new bedroom set made from pressed plywood in China. I’m glad I grew up in the 1960s and I wouldn’t trade it for growing up in any other era.
blair kooistra says
I’m 53 and NEVER grew up. I find that the young–those in their 20s and 30s–generally like mid-century style. Those “middles” who have much of an artist’s sensibility like it as well. And folks of my age and older “get it” although occasionally they won’t like it because “that table is the exact Xhit my parents had!” Everyone else is usually mired down in me-too American consumerism and follows what they’ve been told to like on HGTV, etc.
Kinda funny–I saw on facebook a photo posted by a radio station somewhere of a mid-cen pink-and-green tile bathroom with the suggestion that we respond with one word–I’d guess over 90% of those who responded did so negatively. So, our tastes are definitely not of the mainstream of America. . . so fly your Mid Century freak-flag proudly!
Liz says
My only thing to add is stop associating “old” with “bad”. Old is cool and we all think so or we obviously wouldn’t be here! Being considered “old” doesn’t have to be bad people!!!
metalcabinetsdontburn says
Mother doesn’t think 90+ is old. She just bought a new car and is in the process of redecorating. (Lucky me, I am getting the mid mod leftovers!). But I can see how a 20-something sees 40 as old. And so it should be! Some respect for your elders, people!!!!
Becky from Iowa says
“Olds”? Really? I beg your pardon…but I am 57 years YOUNG and was doing the Vintage Thang when you were in diapers, Whippersnapper! 🙂
Now that I got that off my chest, I’d suggest to reasonable people you point out that you are simply thinking globally, but acting locally: you are recycling! You are saving the planet! You are a MCM Do Gooder! By repurposing, refinishing, making do and using up, you not only get high quality furnishings for a fraction of their costs to manufacture today, you are preventing unnecessary waste and excess consumption. To friends who can take a joke, I just grin and say, “I drank the Koolaide.” And to grumps and snobs, I do believe Pam’s “Bite Me” adheres to the “brevity is the soul of wit” guidelines.
Becky from Iowa says
Off topic: How do you get an avatar in your posts?
pam kueber says
google ‘gravatar’
Becky from Iowa says
Thanks!
Angela says
I will be forty-ONEderful in 11 days and I AM NOT OLD!!!!
With that out of the way, I have never been “hip.” I started my love affair with vintage style and antiques and all things “old” back in elementary school. By the time I graduated from high school (waaaaaaay back in 1990) I had a bedroom full of antiques and a closet full of clothes from the 20s through the 50s. Of course I took on some current looks and trends over the years, but my heart always went back to vintage.
When we bought our 1957 suburban split level, I spent one summer buying furniture from thrift stores, garage sales, and craigslist–painting, refinishing (poorly, but whatever) and cleaning–and redecorating our house with all things midcentury. My husband doesn’t care for it but is tolerant (except for his refusal to allow a pink toilet in our bathroom). My oldest kid is starting to notice how “old” our stuff is compared to other people, but I don’t think he cares. My parents were born in the early 50s so they’re torn between “eyesore” and “nostalgia trip.” As for the rest of the world, they don’t usually have a chance to comment before I’m gushing about my fabulous 1957 Wien Telefunken console or my matching Broyhill swivel rocker and side chair (c. 1966) or my little hairpin-legged desk.
Anyone who felt the need to be negative about either my decorating, fashion, or design aesthetic would not be welcome in my circle. Ain’t nobody got time for dat!!!
Elaine says
I agree so much with reactions to others’ blunt opinions of our personal choices. For Pete’s sake, they don’t have to live there, and if they h*** (edited) it so much, I can just make sure they never have to suffer in it. Do you feel equally empowered to trash their choices?
I have relatives who h*** (edited) anything old, and make a point of redecorating brand new every several years. While I feel that is incredible wasteful, I can relate to the beauty of their decor. They come to my house and refrain from shuddering at my 40+ years evolutionary decor. To me, it is nobody’s business what someone wants in their own home.
Roundhouse Sarah says
Sorry if I offended anyone! I didn’t mean to! My group of friends call ourselves ‘olds’ when we are in the company of teenagers so its all relative. Some of my best friends are in their 50s. My grandfather is 91 we call him an antique! So please take my expression lightly : )
Rob and Monica says
We love you Roundhouse and your opinion! I am one of the olds (47 and hubby 50) We love our 50’s 60’s style:) It reminds us of our childhood!!!!(which is also 70’s) And as an answer to A, people may not always “Get it” do not become a sheep and follow the crowd and love what style you love! 20’s 30’s 40’s 50’s 60’s 70’s even 80’s!!!! whatever time period! Do what makes YOU happy!
Mod in the Burbs Abra says
Roundhouse Sarah- I’m 30 and I am old. I hang out with people who are into the 60s, but it is usually fashion or music. I started out that way to but now I am married and have a kid so the obvious progression is to become fixated on how I am going to decorate my house. I’m also ready for bed by 8pm. You’re right it is all relative. Can’t believe the backlash for something that was obviously not meant to be negative.
When ever I post a mid century photo on facebook, my grandmother has to comment. It could be anything – a living room or a garage door. She has to let me know what the design is great but how I would never want to live back then. I say of course not. But I find the inherent connection interesting. I bet more women in their 70s, than we tend to think, have this connection.
I hope “A”‘s spouse comes to embrace it. That has helped my husband and I. We now have little house projects we are working towards. Refinishing a Heywood Wakefield table that was in horrible condition, is one. And just to find friends with the same interest. They’re out there!
Alicia says
I’m sorry you are having such a negative reaction to your design choice, but really you shouldn’t really care what others have to say about it. I would tell them, with as much politeness that one could muster, why do you worry about my aesthetic, you’re not living with it? As for the kids, I know growing up I had NO say in how the house was decorated and the design choice, I would however give them a say in there own rooms, this way they won’t complain about your choices everywhere else in the home and as for hubby just tell him how AWESOME he is for giving you the space to express your creativity in how you design your (as in yours and his) home.
Cee Cee says
I don’t like the term “olds” at all. Never heard it before, and I find it dismissive and contemptuous.
Terri says
I’m 53. I’m not old, I was born in 1960, I’m mid-century-modern.
couldbeveronica says
Not mad that you called me old (at 44!), but a bit baffled, since you obviously love and value history. People in their early 40’s did not grow up with mid-century (50’s and 60’s) decor. That’s my mother’s and father’s generation. I moved into my 1966 daylight ranch in April of this year, and while it has a few similarities to the house my parents built in 71 (a Colonial), I am very aware that the house was built before I was born and looks back to the clean modern lines of the late fifties and early 60’s–very different from the world I grew up in. My inspiration for a lot of the things I’m doing in the house is my grandmother’s mid-60’s sensibility that carried over into the 70’s in her Cape Cod when I visited it during my early childhood. I didn’t appreciate her aesthetic then the way I do now. Things have changed since we marry and/or settle down much later now–I didn’t marry till I was 34, while my mother and grandmother married at 22 and 20 respectively–so generational turnover is slower now. But I’m going back TWO GENERATIONS for a cultural connection to the 60s. And I can’t help saying it–I’m not old!
pam kueber says
Everyone: ENOUGH. Sarah has apologized. She is young. She knows now she said something in a way that others found offensive. She is a good, very very generous friend of the blog. ENOUGH. I will hereforeto delete any more comments on this issue.
Tina says
40 is olds? My dear, I run circles around my friends who are 25-30. Try being a bit more open minded.