Here is a good one to end the week: Reader “A” (I cloaked her name and state) wrote recently to ask for help in responding to what she called “social backlash” — negative reactions from people in her social sphere who can’t comprehend her passion for mid century design. What shall we advise her, fellow Retro Renovators? Read on for her tale….
“A” writes”
Pam,
I’m new to your blog, and I absolutely love it, but if I’m asking something you have touched on a million times I apologize. I made an attempt to search, but came up with nothing.
I’m at a bit of a low point right now, and I’d love some reassurance or commiseration of any sort — or hey– even a reality check!
I’m just starting down the road into retroville– truthfully I’ve loved it all for a long time but wasn’t brave enough to really commit until I lived in California and realized there were a lot of people who loved the mid 20th century as much as I did.
I have recently moved back to my hometown area in [state] and have begun searching for a mid century modern home to buy with my husband and kids, and along the way I am thrifting and searching for “old” furniture from the same time period.
My question to you is, do you ever get bogged down by people’s negative reaction to what you are doing or did? And secondly, was it all worth it in the end?
I love my midcentury things, but I am swiftly becoming tired of having to defend my taste to everyone I come in contact with. My husband is sweet and patient with me, but I think he wishes I’d give it up. My kids are nervous about “living in the 60’s” as they put it, and everyone else falls somewhere between thinking I’m crazy to acting genuinely threatened and angry with me for trying to resurrect the past.
I’m honestly shocked, why are people threatened by different design tastes? Have you ever had these types of experiences?
I keep telling myself that when it all comes together it will be so great and it will be all worth it, but sometimes I feel like it would be easier to give it all up.
Isn’t it strange how strongly people react to retro things?
Thanks at the very least for letting me sob on your cyber shoulder, its nice to come here and be with people with like minds.
“A”
“A”, my first thought, when I read your letter, was that I’d tell these rude people, Bite Me. Hence, the always-but-really-probably-never-appropriate Anne Taintor caption. (Better, I think, to take the high road… much as it would feel good [for a moment] to dish it right back.)
Seriously, I do have a way that I would recommend responding. But I will hold back and let the tribe offer up their thoughts and advice first.
Marta says
My initial thought is to respond with, “In the best interests of our relationship, I think we should agree that you won’t criticize and demean my style which promotes a more modest life by reducing, reusing, and recycling, and focuses primarily on quality products made in the USA. In return, I will not comment on your style which promotes the import of cheap and poorly manufactured goods from China at great cost to the environment and work force of that country, and massive loss of jobs and waste of resources in this country.”
But, I’m afraid I tend to swat annoying flies with sledge hammers when I’m offended and annoyed.
Gavin in the UK says
Nice one, my thoughts exactly!
Ana says
Marta said it very well.
I really wonder about these so-called friends saying negative things to you. Design is such a personal thing — you live in that home, you raise your family there and these are the choices you’ve made because you’re happier surrounded by what you love. It’s just unbelievably rude and unkind to come into someone’s home and criticize. Maybe used furniture is all someone can afford. Maybe they inherited it from a favorite relative. Or maybe they just love it. No one should be made to feel bad for those things.
Tina says
THIS! I have been reading the comments with great interest and thinking of the perfect reply and for me, Marta’s comment said it all. Yes, it is a bit forward, but someone criticizing my personal home choices is rude and this is just the right bit of sass back at them.
I haven’t run into any negative comments about my home choices, luckily, and I have a supportive husband who enjoys hunting for and learning about MCM style. I can’t tell you the countless times I have had to bite my tongue though at friends houses when they point out the latest and greatest stuff they bought at mass marketer stores. One friend furnished her house entirely in Home Goods! Bleck. I would never dream of questioning her choices, though.
Another more subtle reply is the motto of my favorite website – Love the house you are in!
Alexia says
Well said, Marta! And so much politer than my response while being just as pointed.
Kim Lamb says
Oh that is absolutely perfect!
Barb S. says
Marta – yes! I’m glad I read this far. This is exactly what I was going to say. No doubt “A”s kids are after her to be “greener”, as they are taught so in school every day. Well, kids, this is how you do it. You treasure something that has held its own for over 50 years, and you eschew the Chinese made stuff that no doubt will need replaced every 6-7 years. Besides, why would you want your house to look like everyone else’s?
On this site, must we say C**** instead of China :-)?
Barb S. says
OH! haha, I didn’t get on Marta’s thread.. I though you were replying to her, Kim. I still meant it! 🙂
James Owens says
We always tell people who have never seen a house done in the mid century style, “People think nothing of restoring a Victorian or Craftsman style house and furnishing it with period appropriate items. We’ve just done the same thing with a house built in 1960.” Then they seem to get it.
It’s similar to what happens with cars. When does “just an old car” turn into a “classic”?
Keep doing what you like. Your on the leading edge of something that is growing. Most people are scared to step out of the box in any way.
Just my 2 cents.
Jay says
Good thoughts! 50 + years on, scholars are now taking serious looks at MCM, it becomes a true antique at 100 years.
Jeanne says
I like that response, James! So true. People decorate in Victorian or Craftsman and people seem to “get” that. Love your response!
KM says
Yeah, not so much. Yes, some people do respond positively to the older styles, but others cluck “Oh I could never live like this. Don’t you want something more modern?” Or my personal favorite “Is all your stuff old?”
No, as a matter of fact, I don’t want something newer. I bought a 1903 for a reason. And yes I love my 1928 Magic Chef and no, I don’t want one of those u*** “professional” Wolf ranges.
And I h*** granite counter tops. So, no, your circa 2000 ones are not “amazing.” But I have enough manners to keep my mouth shut about your tastes in your home.
Douglas Camin @ House on Rynkus Hill says
First and foremost…the heck with people who want to criticize. You could always ask them if they want to you to stop over and criticize their design choices and if they would like it, of course. It is quite rude to judge in this way, aside from something being wrong (ie, you are a hoarder and they are saying that “might” be something that needs attention. I assume you are not a hoarder. ;))
In our house I approach embracing the original style and finishes of the house as being the most appropriate path – would you stick a colonial light fixture on an Italian Villa style house, for instance? Then why do it to a MCM one. One of the most rewarding comments I hear is people saying “I really can’t tell what is original and what is your house.” My wife and I have embraced the style of our house and made sure that the items we have are are either appropriate to the house’s style in an original fashion or in a “compatible” fashion. (I even wrote a little note about that on my blog: http://www.houseonrynkushill.com/2013/04/11/mid-century-compatible/ ) Perhaps that insulates us a little because we don’t always just have 50s stuff, we have “style appropriate” items that might be new.
In the end there are sometimes people who criticize, but I do find that to be rare. If I hear someone criticize, I am quick to probe them about it and put them on the spot to explain further. Usually once they realize they are criticizing they turn to comments like “Well that isn’t for me, is all I’m saying.” Well…of course not. That’s why you don’t live here and I do.
Douglas Camin @ House on Rynkus Hill says
Whoops, that should say in the middle there: “I really can’t tell what is original and what is not in your house.” Sheesh.
Kate says
I too have had visitors comment about all of the original stuff in my house. About six months after we moved in, my husband and I had the neighbors we had met over for a housewarming party. One of the neighbors asked me if we bought the house fully furnished, since everything looked like it could have come directly from the era of the house. To this day that is one of my all time favorite comments about our decor! 🙂
thatmidcenturyfella says
Kate! I had the same experience! I needed new carpet in a couple rooms and the guys that came to install it took a break to come talk to me. The first thing they said was, “You got a great deal with the house and all the furniture!” When I told them that I had collected it all over the years, their mouths dropped. I’m not sure they realized that if you shop wisely and know what to look for, it’s actually a lot cheaper to go vintage. I would agree with you too; it’s probably one of my favorite moments to date as well. 🙂
paula says
I don’t think you need to respond at all. I will sometimes tell people upfront that I surround myself with things I like since I’m the one who lives there and I realize it’s not everyone’s taste but, oh well. What is? Rudeness has apparently become socially acceptable and there are always going to be people who relish in cutting other people down so your best course of action is to learn to let it all roll off and keep doing what makes you happy.
Leslie says
It seems like these days, I’m surrounded by people who are only interested in the newest and nicest (usually expensive) living trends…nothing wrong with that…but what bugs me, is that the past is either dismissed as “old” or not even recognized as a viable option because most of these people aren’t aware that the world existed before them. They have no idea what came before and only want the latest and best money can buy…on credit. So, I say…it’s not their fault…the poor things, they don’t know any better! Just smile and feel sorry for them…
Stacia says
These people you are talking about sound rude and petty. They will change their tune when they see how fabulous your house is! I find that people who say things to me are simply off the mark and really don’t know anything about design. One friend called me a “hippy” when my design choices are distinctly not hippy-ish, she just had no other name for it in her vocabulary. But she wasn’t mean about it, she just didn’t get it. And when she was choosing paint colors for her house, guess who she called to come over to help? It’s like Pam says, no one should be made to feel bad for their design decisions.
Gail says
I got the hippie comment also from a few friends. I asked why they thought I was a hippie and I got “Because you like things that are old.” I almost replied, “Well, I like you” 🙂
I’m always glad to find others who love mcm as much as me and I really enjoy looking on the internet to see what other mcm lovers have done with their passion.
I’m with you, to heck with the haters.
Mr Kim says
If you want to keep into the «polite side» (not really my style when it comes to people not minding their own business, but anyway~).
The best answer I’ve come up with so far is:
«Well, since what I got is already old-fashioned and d*** it can’t get any worse. But what will YOU do when your ultra sleek and modern gray kitchen becomes old-fashioned and d*** in, let’s say, two years?».
Or putting it differently: we invest in stuff that is already out of the fashion track. So it can either become fashionable again or just remain unfashionable (but lovely). That’s called intelligent investment 😉
Janet in CT says
Perfect comments and I second your last remark.
Janet in CT says
I don’t know how or exactly when it happened, but I do believe it was the mid-nineties when I started collecting pink and turquoise retro items. Then it was really odd and I had alot of people think I was really weird, as in, why on earth do you want this? Yes, alot of people have looked at me as if I am crazy, but as Robin said, I buy what I love! We are finally closing on my dream house, a 1957 UN-updated ranch in our beloved state of Maine. As we looked at the house, we heard the usual comments from the realtor regarding updates that I would never consider. The original decor was exactly what I had been looking to find for ten years. I think the retro fifties is timeless and I can’t help but think people decorating these days will soon tire of the granite and stainless appliances that to me look way too sterile and cold. Retro has charm! I have already put the word out in the neighborhood that I am looking for more of the birch cabinets that I am sure everyone else has replaced. I am assuming when we move in that the neighbors will make some comments about all my old furniture and the turquoise and pink stuff, not to mention my intentions of not updating a thing except the kitchen floor replaced in the eighties. Let’s face it; people are not comfortable with anything different and we all sure do march to a different drummer. I really cannot wait to hear what they all say, (it’s a very friendly neighborhood with streets named after US states, and already when looking at the house, the neighbors came to introduce themselves). It is going to be alot of fun and interesting. Northern Maine is NOT big on retro/MCM.
Janet in CT says
Oh, I would never be able to tell someone to bite me! I always just laugh it off and say that’s MY passion. But I think people will appreciate my house when I get it all done. Finally we will be able to use our garage here in CT that is crammed full of all my stuff! And my husband doesn’t mind it one bit! In fact he is looking for a late fifties boat and outboard motor to go fishing up there! I hope we can find one with turquoise upholstered seats!
Kate says
I agree Janet, I don’t know if I could say “bite me” unless they were being extremely over the top rude.
I get the “oh I could never live in a house with orange walls” or “I would never think to put all this stuff together” kind of comments, but they are usually followed up with “but you make it work, and I really like it in your house” which I do not find offensive, since I couldn’t live in their house with all white walls and beige everything else.
I think if someone really offended me with a comment about why I would choose to live like this, I would say something like, “Well it is a good thing I live here and not you then” and then change the subject. I’m not a fan of confrontation…
pam kueber says
haha katiedoodle, wait til you get as old as me: i LOVE to say Bite Me! of course, only to close friends and family 🙂
Jay says
When you’re old, oops I mean older, years confer a certain right to say what you want, at least according to my 80+ years mother.
pam kueber says
As in what our 94-year-old Nana was famous for saying: “I got two words for ya. And they ain’t ‘happy birthday.'” 🙂
Margaret in Maine says
Welcome to Maine!
Here is a guide:
http://www.maine.gov/mhpc/architectural_survey/docs/20100630FINALFINALlower-1.pdf
While working on this, I found the more-or-less intact 1955 ranch I eventually bought.
Jan says
Wow, Margaret! This guide is really fascinating!
Margaret in Maine says
Thanks, Jan! I think we all all had fun working on it — I did, anyway! I have to credit our SHPO for thinking ahead as these houses hit their 50 year mark and become “historic.”
Styles certainly do exhibit regional trends — Maine is pretty conservative, and I do see differences even between Lewiston and Portland. Among other things, Lewiston has the most fabulous aluminum storm doors.
Enjoy, Margaret
Morag says
Another thank you. Gotta poke around that Maine State website more often!
Have just skimmed through but my two favorite observations so far: when they distinguish between true Georgian style and neo-Colonial style, ie “true Georgian houses don’t have garages”. (Although they may have barns.) I just had to laugh. A reminder that we are lucky in Maine to still have many original Colonial and Georgian houses, not the case in lots of other places where “Colonial” actually means “Colonial-style”.
The second is that my own favorites so far are the humble “vernaculars” whose style is defined here by having no style.
mary hershelman says
Ah I remember the days when all this fabulous stuff was in the free box at garage sales. I got my chrome canisters and wax paper/foil dispenser from the free box before I even saw my house with the GE Steel Kitchen in pink….I remember someone (older) rolling their eyes. Those were the days….All of my Revereware is made in either WI or NY…and the ever popular electric skillet!
Rasal says
As far as people outside your immediate family, I’m surprised they would be so rude as to make you feel bad about your taste in design. I’d just respond pleasantly and keep going. If its your husband and kids who are complaining about it, perhaps you can ask yourself if you are imposing your tastes upon them. Is there a better balance with their tastes? As cool as midcentury design is, not everyone loves it or wants to live in it. There are ways to incorporate midcentury items in a fresh, contemporary way. It may not be totally authentic to the period but families must give and take to keep everybody happy. That’s far more important than period authenticity.
Cole says
As the (I suppose rare) husband that’s into MCM with a wife who tolerates it, I haven’t encountered much “discrimination”. But I simply don’t believe in being negative to someone, especially to try to “spite” them or to come back from their negativity. No one wins that way and both lose.
I would simply try to explain I like an aesthetic from when things were happy and fun, and that I wish more people had as much happiness and fun with their home as I do. Most people don’t realize how deadly dull their modern greige palaces are anyway!
Kate says
My husband is an MCM fan too! I think it has to do with my influence, but when we see decor items or if we walk through a furniture store or antique mall, he tells me which pieces would look good in our home and which are “unattractive” by our design standards… and I must have taught him well because usually I agree with his assessments. 🙂
chris says
What’s fun in our family is that I tend to love the “Grandma Depression Modern” look. A little more cozy and doily-fied. And clutter! Love me some tchotchke clutter! My husband is a designer and loves a somewhat modern, minimal, streamlined look. (What was he thinking, marrying me???) Although we do tend to collect stuff more from the deco era, MCM stuff sort of helps us meet in the middle. I like the kitsch, and he likes the sleek, graphic quality of things from the 50s. We have a blend of things from the 20s to the 60s, filled in with some Ikea and such. Somehow, it all works!