Here is a good one to end the week: Reader “A” (I cloaked her name and state) wrote recently to ask for help in responding to what she called “social backlash” — negative reactions from people in her social sphere who can’t comprehend her passion for mid century design. What shall we advise her, fellow Retro Renovators? Read on for her tale….
“A” writes”
Pam,
I’m new to your blog, and I absolutely love it, but if I’m asking something you have touched on a million times I apologize. I made an attempt to search, but came up with nothing.
I’m at a bit of a low point right now, and I’d love some reassurance or commiseration of any sort — or hey– even a reality check!
I’m just starting down the road into retroville– truthfully I’ve loved it all for a long time but wasn’t brave enough to really commit until I lived in California and realized there were a lot of people who loved the mid 20th century as much as I did.
I have recently moved back to my hometown area in [state] and have begun searching for a mid century modern home to buy with my husband and kids, and along the way I am thrifting and searching for “old” furniture from the same time period.
My question to you is, do you ever get bogged down by people’s negative reaction to what you are doing or did? And secondly, was it all worth it in the end?
I love my midcentury things, but I am swiftly becoming tired of having to defend my taste to everyone I come in contact with. My husband is sweet and patient with me, but I think he wishes I’d give it up. My kids are nervous about “living in the 60’s” as they put it, and everyone else falls somewhere between thinking I’m crazy to acting genuinely threatened and angry with me for trying to resurrect the past.
I’m honestly shocked, why are people threatened by different design tastes? Have you ever had these types of experiences?
I keep telling myself that when it all comes together it will be so great and it will be all worth it, but sometimes I feel like it would be easier to give it all up.
Isn’t it strange how strongly people react to retro things?
Thanks at the very least for letting me sob on your cyber shoulder, its nice to come here and be with people with like minds.
“A”
“A”, my first thought, when I read your letter, was that I’d tell these rude people, Bite Me. Hence, the always-but-really-probably-never-appropriate Anne Taintor caption. (Better, I think, to take the high road… much as it would feel good [for a moment] to dish it right back.)
Seriously, I do have a way that I would recommend responding. But I will hold back and let the tribe offer up their thoughts and advice first.
Alice says
Once upon a time, when I was younger, I was a jerk and thought nothing of criticizing the choices of others. Thankfully, today I am much less self centered and to this day I’m very grateful to the folks who were gentle and direct with me. I’ve had folks say, “it pleases us, which is what we intended.” And, the best, “it’s a good thing we live here and not you, then, wouldn’t you say?”
pam kueber says
Yes, we were all young once, and likely also jerks!
Holley Martinez says
Ya’ll talk about old like it’s a BAD thing! I’d rather be ‘old’ at 57 than ‘smart’ at 27. Everyday is a new realization that it ain’t so bad being 57. I know stuff. I don’t have to learn the hard way so darn much! Just roll with it…it’s great getting older! It is said that it’s like fine wine – you get better with age! Mid century stuff is the same way – just decorate as you like to your hearts content. It’ ‘aint nobody’s business’ what you do in your home or to your home. It’s just THAT! Your own home! My kids who are now grown and actually are at that coveted age of 29-36 don’t seem to have an opinion either way– but they don’t have the wonderful memories associated with my ‘things.’ Be yourself! Just tell ’em when they pay the bills they can have an opinion and be done with it. If your husband has a hard time with it….tell him to “don’t be a fool – be cool!” – maybe that will hush him up for awhile. When he sees how happy you are with your surroundings he’ll lighten up and you’ll both be happier!! Don’t spend any time at all giving it another thought. You don’t have to defend your style! My husband doesn’t care for mid century either because his memories aren’t like mine — they’re not happy ones from the 50’s and 60’s so I’ve chosen to compromise and only make my office my mid century sanctuary. If he doesn’t like it — then he doesn’t have to enter! Have fun and Enjoy!
hannah says
Pam, thank you for sharing this letter with us. Really great conversation topic.
To the writer of the open letter, I’m to be 60 this coming May. All my immediate family are gone. Retro and MCM are what I grew up with in the 50s/60s/70s – and I love it. Surrounding myself with items from that time just makes me FEEL better (‘buying’ my past)!
For the most part friends and family get it, and think it’s great that I’m having fun with it. I have albums on my FB page showing off my latest retro finds at flea markets, thrift and resale shops, the arrangement of the living room, a plethora of table settings, etc. I was not only bummed but also really irritated when a set of friends I’ve known for 10 years (online only) chose to pick apart a few things I’d purchased and shared pics of. One being this type of phone:
https://www.etsy.com/listing/163154445/vintage-donut-pushbutton-telephone?ref=sr_gallery_19&ga_search_query=donut+phone&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_search_type=all&ga_facet=donut+phone
They called it ugly and said it looked like a “t*rd”…and laughed at each others replies. Didn’t matter how I tried to laugh their reactions off about it, they kept it up. They kept this up for several replies just having fun at the expense of my ‘taste’. I tried to shrug it off, but it did hurt some. I’d never tell them I could care less that their latest painted toenail (FB pics) design is completely unnecessary to share, or that their teacups from the 1800’s were ‘granny style’.
I guess we have to face it. We are a breed unto our own. I’ll never apologize for my decor choices. I’m having TOO MUCH FUN! I suggest you do the same. <3
Roberta Lee says
I adore vintage style, and I, too, have fended off “cute” comments that are in essence derogatory–especially about my fondness for authentic bathrooms. “I’d just rip it out,” I was told several times while restoring our lovely yellow.gray and pink/maroon baths. In reply, I share an antidote about my mom, who was an antiques dealer.
People would come into the shop she and my dad ran, pick up a lamp, look at the price tag and say, “$200! Really? When my mom died, she had two of these, and we threw them out.”
My mother would smile sweetly, gently take the lamp in question from them, put it back on the table, and reply: “Thank you! It is *because* you and so many others threw them out that the surviving lamps are now worth $200.”
By destroying our architectural and domestic style heritage, people only increase the value of the examples that have been so lovingly preserved.
Those of us who live “in the era” own museums–lived-in, loved, practical museums. Enjoy your museum and remember that once, that circa 1772 Shaker chair in the Smithsonian Museum was just a piece of “old junk.”
pam kueber says
good one!
lexavline says
I find that if I wear a grass skirt and a parrot on my head when greeting guests, the conversation rarely turns to my decorating choices. If it does, I take the skirt off. If that too fails, “bite-me” always works:-)
Peter says
When people come over to our house and see our pink bathroom, if they say “well you can always replace that later,” we know they just don’t get it.
Terri says
I love the statement about the bathroom. My mid-mod has a very unfortunate 1980s cheap remuddled bathroom. Cheap vinyl. Cheap wallboard. All stained by the previous owner’s flamboyant smoking habit. Luckily they left the beautifully shaped cast iron tub and didn’t put in plastic. There are also some interesting 1980s cabinets that can be reclaimed with vintage hardware.
I’ve had a few people cluck sympathetically when I say the bathroom will require a complete remodel. Then I tell them I am going to redo it in pink/black/white tile and that I have several sets of vintage pink and black ceramic accessory sets (soap dish/TP holder/towel bars) that I can’t wait to use.
Then I watch their heads explode.
And while they are still reeling I lead with my intent to replace the butcherblock Formica with scarlet and the vinyl with red/brown/green diner tile. If they are still standing I show them my lucite globe pineapple lamp.
Then, like they had just donated blood, I give them a cookie.
Terri
Cee Cee says
I don’t really care what others think about my taste. I have teenagers and they were raised in a nonconformist environment. I am not a soccer mom on any level.So this is just one other way that our family is not “cookie cutter”. My children love some mid century things themselves.
People don’t criticize me at all. But then, I’m not seeking approval. I know my decorating stye and my taste in clothes are “other”. Nonconforming. I don’t expect everyone to like or approve.
When we were looking for our house we worked with a broker who “got it” but wasn’t into it herself. She called to say that she had a pretty 1930s craftsman with quarter sawn oak trim and, all original doors and bathrooms and a kitchen that were re-done in the 1950s. Everything was in time capsule perfect condition.
We just joked about it. When she said “it needs updating” as we approached the house she whacked herself over the head with a stack of papers and said “I forgot who I was talking about. It doesn’t need any thing! It’s retro!”
If you are comfortable with your life style, and are not attempting to convert others, or expecting their approval; then it won’t matter.
Susan says
Honestly? I’d just smile and say, “Humor me. I’m eccentric.”
Decor fashions and dislike thereof come and go. Fifty, sixty years ago, Victorian was looked down upon, and Victorian houses couldn’t be torn down fast enough. Few saw their value. Now of course many of them are worth millions!
And by the way, if “The Road into Retroville” isn’t a blog name, it should be! 😉
Kiki v. says
If your husband really doesn’t like it, perhaps a mix of old and new to make sure he enjoys living in the house too? An eclectic mix is really fun, too! As far as visitors and their opinions, screw them if they don’t like it. They can go home. I would suggest responding with a jaunty “Well! I like it!”, give em a big smile, and leave it at that. You don’t need to convert them and besides, that leaves more mid-mod stuff for those of us who appreciate it!
BlueJay says
When it comes to my personal style, I honestly don’t care what others think. Our friends appreciate our home, but for most of them, it isn’t their style. When we first started backdating everything, we used to get asked when were going to update our home. After the first few long explanations, people stopped asking and just accepted it. My parents used to criticize our decisions (like our vintage dining room set, vintage bedroom set, and ever-increasing vintage appliances). After showing them that a 50 year old stove works better than a new one, and showing them that our dining room and bedroom are made up of solid walnut (try buying solid walnut today for $800), they now get it and have started purchasing vintage stuff too. So my advice is this: don’t care what others think. It’s your style, it’s your space. Outside opinions are irrelevant, unless it’s to provide suggestions or ways to improve the space that are in conjunction with your taste.