Here is a good one to end the week: Reader “A” (I cloaked her name and state) wrote recently to ask for help in responding to what she called “social backlash” — negative reactions from people in her social sphere who can’t comprehend her passion for mid century design. What shall we advise her, fellow Retro Renovators? Read on for her tale….
“A” writes”
Pam,
I’m new to your blog, and I absolutely love it, but if I’m asking something you have touched on a million times I apologize. I made an attempt to search, but came up with nothing.
I’m at a bit of a low point right now, and I’d love some reassurance or commiseration of any sort — or hey– even a reality check!
I’m just starting down the road into retroville– truthfully I’ve loved it all for a long time but wasn’t brave enough to really commit until I lived in California and realized there were a lot of people who loved the mid 20th century as much as I did.
I have recently moved back to my hometown area in [state] and have begun searching for a mid century modern home to buy with my husband and kids, and along the way I am thrifting and searching for “old” furniture from the same time period.
My question to you is, do you ever get bogged down by people’s negative reaction to what you are doing or did? And secondly, was it all worth it in the end?
I love my midcentury things, but I am swiftly becoming tired of having to defend my taste to everyone I come in contact with. My husband is sweet and patient with me, but I think he wishes I’d give it up. My kids are nervous about “living in the 60’s” as they put it, and everyone else falls somewhere between thinking I’m crazy to acting genuinely threatened and angry with me for trying to resurrect the past.
I’m honestly shocked, why are people threatened by different design tastes? Have you ever had these types of experiences?
I keep telling myself that when it all comes together it will be so great and it will be all worth it, but sometimes I feel like it would be easier to give it all up.
Isn’t it strange how strongly people react to retro things?
Thanks at the very least for letting me sob on your cyber shoulder, its nice to come here and be with people with like minds.
“A”
“A”, my first thought, when I read your letter, was that I’d tell these rude people, Bite Me. Hence, the always-but-really-probably-never-appropriate Anne Taintor caption. (Better, I think, to take the high road… much as it would feel good [for a moment] to dish it right back.)
Seriously, I do have a way that I would recommend responding. But I will hold back and let the tribe offer up their thoughts and advice first.
Sara says
It’s a shame that negative comments and criticism are so memorable. Think back to preschool or Kindergarten. Do you remember getting in trouble for spilling the juice or for using too much paste? I do. Those are my most vivid memories of my early years. People need to stop and think before nasty things come out of their mouths! When I bought my little 1950 house, I hated the bathroom (except for the giant blue bathtub, which I love). No window, everything painted white, fake Masonite wall tile, cheapest particle board big box store vanity, unfortunate recent flooring choice, etc. I decided to spruce it up on the cheap…painted the upper walls dark pink, painted some of the fake wall tiles black to create a checkerboard border, framed some Charley Harper postcards, found some great black and white floral towels, etc. And guess what? Now I LOVE that little bathroom! Then my realtor came by to see what I’d done with the place and she loved everything until we hit the bathroom. She was aghast! “Oh My Gawd!” she gasped as she put her hands to her face like the kid in Home Alone. “Well you’re just ruined the re-sale with this. What were you thinking? Lord have mercy, I have to get out of this room!” And I remember this over all the positive comments she made about the other rooms, and above all the positive comments I’ve had from others. I don’t really have any advice for a good comeback, but I do know that everyone should watch Bambi and follow Thumper’s mother’s advice: If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say nothin’ at all. And if you love something, just keep on loving it and try with all your might not to let others drag you down!
Sara says
Oops! I used the “H” word! My bad. But at least I was referring to my own bathroom, which I now love, lol.
pam kueber says
That’s okay, Sara. With this Thread I’m kinda lettin’ it all fly.
Linda says
As the sugar packet in the diner says “Never explain, your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe you anyway!” Don’t like my style? There’s the door. Don’t like my pink bathroom, learn to hold it!
Laura's Last Ditch--Vintage Kitchenwares says
I don’t know, I’d just think your friends can have their vinyl wall decals and you can have your thing, and let them talk, but let your kids decorate their own rooms, as long as they don’t ruin any original features.
Allison says
Haha!! Vinyl decals! Do you live by me??
Laura's Last Ditch--Vintage Kitchenwares says
I think they’re EVERYWHERE.
Lisa says
I’ve had people make comments, but since I’m an “old” (haaaa!) lady of 41, I am past the age where I care what others think. Everyone thinks it’s fabulous when they actually see it. Or if they don’t think it’s fabulous, they don’t dare say anything. 😉 I first got into MCM around age 30 but wasn’t in the position to decorate a house at that time… now I am. 🙂 And the stuff is so much easier to find now at antiques shows and such. For a while there it was nothing but yard sales and Salvation Army and grandma’s cellar.
Shelley says
I like the picture of the woman saying “Bite Me” she sums it up! I have people look at me like I am nuts when I tell them about my retro house too. My reply? Don’t like it? Don’t come over.
I have others who clamor to come over and see what new thing I have done.
Just remember, Haters gonna hate…
tammyCA says
Had to laugh about the “olds”…it’s funny but I was born “old” and as I’ve aged I got “younger”. When I was very young I remember my mom calling me “grandma”..I think it was her way of saying I was an old soul. But, all the time I say I was born too late…that I should’ve been born in the decade my own mother was because I am VERY drawn to the 1940s-’50s (ok, and some ’30s and early ’60s)…I feel like a fish out of water in this day and age, always have…it’s weird or maybe I am…that’s okay, I’m not hurtin’ anyone. 😀
CC in Virginia says
We’re right there with you, sister!
Thera says
Keep your retro love strong, sister, and never bow to pressure from the “Stepford” folk!
tammyCA says
Follow your OWN style/design heart and not what others say or think. How can you be happy in your own home if you are conforming to others? Let them do what they like and you do what you like…ya never know they might eventually start loving Mid-Century/vintage themselves. Yeah, there are a lot of MCM lovers here in CA (mostly the creative/artist show biz are) and that’s kind of a bummer since there are no deals like I see in other parts of the country so you’re lucky in that way. 🙂
Jennifer Kepesh says
I didn’t read *all* the comments, so perhaps someone else said this more eloquently than I did, but one of your concerns is your family’s attitude.
Regarding your kids–tough, youngsters. Honestly, there is no way you will not embarrass your kids–you breathe. My partner and his late wife bought a house in absolutely terrible repair, and his kids, very young at the time, called it the Junk House. Now adults, they look back very proudly and fondly at the love and sweat equity that turned that house into a lovely, modest home. As teens and young adults, my sisters and I were so tired of the danish modern both my parents and both sets of my grandparents delighted in, and now in middle age, we all three appreciate those simple lovely lines.
Regarding your husband–IMHO, he gets a say. You can love what you want, but you have to find out what he loves, too, and find a way to blend. I would suggest you make an effort to get to understand his tastes, perhaps spending time together creating some vision boards or whatever the designers call them.
Regarding others’ opinions, you say, “I think you’ll appreciate it when you see the reality of it, but if you don’t, you get to go home to your own aesthetic.”
pam kueber says
I love these comments, Jennifer! Yes, let’s let our spouses have a say!
Allison says
I wholeheartedly agree– I want my husband to know his opinion matters and to feel happy and well represented in his own home too. We’ve actually had many conversations about what style he is into– trouble is he doesn’t know. Haha!! But as was mentioned earlier, and we have acknowledged this, I am highly visual and this is my “thing.” I’m also a fashion design student and I really just think this is an extension since I have been into vintage clothing since I was a young teen. He’s into electronics and has to have speaker cables that cost hundreds of dollars because the sound is better where I would be fine with a box tv and DVD player.
pam kueber says
A fashion design student! SEE: We all have exceptional visual intelligence! We CAN’T EXPECT others to “get it” — although we CAN EXPECT them not to be rude!
Mary Elizabeth says
Wow! I’ve been away a few days, and I feel like I’m late to the picnic. All I can say is that I echo everyone who has said, “You need to unfriend these people” unless you can first educate them.
I am reminded of what my young second cousin, two times removed, said about my 1959 ranch, “Oh, you are living in history–that is so cool!” Just tell people you are a “curator” of an historic building and proud to be so. She is only nine years old, and she gets it.
For validation of your aesthetic, come here. We are happy to inflate your ego that has been deflated by bad people. 🙂
Allison says
Curator. I like that!