Here is a good one to end the week: Reader “A” (I cloaked her name and state) wrote recently to ask for help in responding to what she called “social backlash” — negative reactions from people in her social sphere who can’t comprehend her passion for mid century design. What shall we advise her, fellow Retro Renovators? Read on for her tale….
“A” writes”
Pam,
I’m new to your blog, and I absolutely love it, but if I’m asking something you have touched on a million times I apologize. I made an attempt to search, but came up with nothing.
I’m at a bit of a low point right now, and I’d love some reassurance or commiseration of any sort — or hey– even a reality check!
I’m just starting down the road into retroville– truthfully I’ve loved it all for a long time but wasn’t brave enough to really commit until I lived in California and realized there were a lot of people who loved the mid 20th century as much as I did.
I have recently moved back to my hometown area in [state] and have begun searching for a mid century modern home to buy with my husband and kids, and along the way I am thrifting and searching for “old” furniture from the same time period.
My question to you is, do you ever get bogged down by people’s negative reaction to what you are doing or did? And secondly, was it all worth it in the end?
I love my midcentury things, but I am swiftly becoming tired of having to defend my taste to everyone I come in contact with. My husband is sweet and patient with me, but I think he wishes I’d give it up. My kids are nervous about “living in the 60’s” as they put it, and everyone else falls somewhere between thinking I’m crazy to acting genuinely threatened and angry with me for trying to resurrect the past.
I’m honestly shocked, why are people threatened by different design tastes? Have you ever had these types of experiences?
I keep telling myself that when it all comes together it will be so great and it will be all worth it, but sometimes I feel like it would be easier to give it all up.
Isn’t it strange how strongly people react to retro things?
Thanks at the very least for letting me sob on your cyber shoulder, its nice to come here and be with people with like minds.
“A”
“A”, my first thought, when I read your letter, was that I’d tell these rude people, Bite Me. Hence, the always-but-really-probably-never-appropriate Anne Taintor caption. (Better, I think, to take the high road… much as it would feel good [for a moment] to dish it right back.)
Seriously, I do have a way that I would recommend responding. But I will hold back and let the tribe offer up their thoughts and advice first.
CC in Virginia says
Reading all the comments reminded me of my own experience with blunt rudeness. At one point in my life, I was actively collecting Jade-ite FireKing. I was so proud of my collection and delighted when I found a rare piece at Goodwill or a yard sale. One day when I was gleefully combing through a thrift store, a worker asked if she could help me find something. When I told her I was looking for Jade-ite FireKing, I could tell by the blank look on her face she had no idea what I was talking about. As I tried to describe it to her, she suddenly cried out “OH! You’re looking for that ugly old green stuff! Well, we don’t have any of THAT here!” Needless to say I left and never went back. All I can say is that beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder and if mid-century makes you happy, then BE HAPPY. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.
blair kooistra says
I”m still blabbering on–I will say that practically everyone who comes by our house–the remodeling carpenter, the a/c repair guy and today the notary bringing our refinance papers to sign–has commented favorably on our “stuff.” I bought a couch from a guy at work–it was marginally MCM, but we didn’t want to get TOO nice a piece because of our young sons. . .turns out HE was getting rid of it because it wasn’t “mid-century enough.” Did we have a treat for him when he walked in the door. He stayed a good hour and was fascinating to hear the history of the furniture and the design behind it. Sometimes, we just need to draw folks out who have a tangental interest in this and who may not be aware what a strong and supportive movement this is.
Scott says
This is going to sound really blunt, but “A” you sound like a great person who deserves a lot better than you are getting from your people. Even if they don’t relate to your passion they should at least understand it makes you happy and be in favor of it for no other reason than that.
I do have one friend who definitely does not get it, but I get the inverse reaction from nearly everyone else. When people walk into my house for the first time the same thing happens over and over. For a split second it’s like all the oxygen went out of the room and I see their faces go blank. Next a little grin forms which quickly turns into a big smile as they look around the room. Invariably an object or two triggers fond memories of something they remember from years ago and often had completely forgotten about.
I moved into my house in 1999 but never had much in the way of real furniture because I could never find anything I liked. I tried to decorate now and then but always froze up as nothing ever looked quite right and I settled for okay and functional. It was like an unsolvable problem that completely shorted out my brain, aggravating me all the more because I’ve always been creative and enjoyed being creative. But the house brought on nothing but a headache and a huge mental block.
Sorry to get so personal here, but after my Mom passed away rather suddenly in 2010 I found myself escaping the unpleasantness of real life through my favorite old shows. One night as I was watching a black and white Bewitched and thinking for the millionth time “wouldn’t it be great to have a room like that?” that little bell finally went off in my head as I realized I could (italics) have a room like that. In fact, I could have an entire house like that. Like magic (how appropriate) the block was gone. Decisions about what to do with my house were not only easy, they were fun, rewarding, and probably the most satisfying way I have ever found to express my creativity.
“A” this is going to sound corny but don’t give up now, you are starting down a very exciting path. You will be amazed at how quickly things will start coming together and how much fun you are going to have turning your space into the place you’ve always wanted it to be.
pam kueber says
I love this comment, Scott. Right on: Our homes give us so much opportunity to find and express OUR creativity and can be such immensely happy places when we figure out and make it so. Why let anybody rain on such an important aspect of our life’s parade?
blair kooistra says
Amazing the number of responses. And I didn’t read them all, but I get the vibe that among us, we feel a little defensive that something we like is not understood by “the unwashed.” I know the feeling as well, for practically any hobby I’ve been involved in since my teen years has been easily derided or outside the mainstream. That just makes me a more interesting person, doesn’t it? Yeah, I tolerate friends’ interior decor choices like I do their affinity for NFL and hunting and certain types of politics. I’ve always marched to my own drummer, and I’ll proudly say that I’m darned proud that I can come to a website and play with others who feel the same way. There’s so few of us out in the wild–I run into someone else at an open house or estate sale or vintage shop and it’s like the spigot of enthusiasm has been opened up and I can’t shut up about it.
Mark Jenkins says
Well……..quality always tells……some background; I grew up in a well to do but rural area, so when the bottom of the market fell out of the predominant crop, people couldn’t afford to redecorate as often. One didn’t think of it as being mid-century or collectible – just what you have. That being said, the houses were all architect designed and the furnishings were not, NOT cheap then; not cheap now……but also not Beverly Hills, Miami, Fifth Avenue….. While not everything has to be a Lautner, William Haines, fill in the blank, is the lady decorating mid century or is she decorating cheap?
Mike S says
Isn’t social pressure a fat downer? Really, it’s as if people have nothing better to do than to size us up to see if WE fit in with THEM. To that I say what Anne Taintor did, AND HOW.
And if a certain segment of your (un)social circle don’t want to use a pink toilet (or a lavender one, or a powder blue one) then they can do what another poster said, above: HOLD IT.
It’s YOUR house, and YOUR tastes in decorating that matter, and by going mid-mod, you’re golden.
Carley B, Australia says
There’s always the option of some cutting Noel Coward-ian throw away line – “I can see that BOTH the manners and the asthetic of the period are lost on you….” It might not be until the ride home, but I’m sure they’ll get it eventually… 🙂
Cheers
Carley
Greg says
As my friend Bette Midler said:” F**k ’em if they can’t take a joke!”
Shannon says
OWN IT, sister. Own it with a smile on your face. You do not have to justify your taste to anyone who does not live in your home (and sometimes not even then!). A simple “These are the surroundings that make me feel most at home” should be enough to dissuade further snark.
Carley B, Australia says
I think one important thing to remember is that by having lovely things that are from the past, it doesn’t mean you’re living there – maybe that’s what confuses them? While I love my vintage things, I no more want to go back to people smoking indoors, segregation, or broad polio infection than fly to the moon! 🙂
On a lighter note: we have a vintage 1951 wooden caravan with a porthole fully kitted out with beautiful old melamine, a flip toaster, and a ceramic kettle – and nothing else but a cold water tap. I call it MCM on the Move, It’s been the source of a lot of funny comments from others.
Every year we go away at Xmas (being Australia!) to the caravan park at the beach and live like it’s 1951 – even with an old valve radio. One day some people walking by came over to talk to us about the van, and then asked if we really stay in it (with our awning fully of laundry, and sand toys!) – they thought we were some sort of actors/museum to amuse the park attendees.
I just stared at them, a bit dumbfounded. Based on my puzzled look, It must have dawned on them that we were just enjoying “getting our vintage on” and they walked off red faced. As it turns out, I felt like the one that was being rude – after all, my mother always told me not to make fun of those “less fortunate”. 😉
The other thing my mother told me was that spite and salt are very much alike – a little works, and too much is horrible. So perhaps, with a crumb of evil glee, their invite to the next gathering at your house could slide down the back of your fabulous Danish sideboard! My bad! 😀
Carley