Here is a good one to end the week: Reader “A” (I cloaked her name and state) wrote recently to ask for help in responding to what she called “social backlash” — negative reactions from people in her social sphere who can’t comprehend her passion for mid century design. What shall we advise her, fellow Retro Renovators? Read on for her tale….
“A” writes”
Pam,
I’m new to your blog, and I absolutely love it, but if I’m asking something you have touched on a million times I apologize. I made an attempt to search, but came up with nothing.
I’m at a bit of a low point right now, and I’d love some reassurance or commiseration of any sort — or hey– even a reality check!
I’m just starting down the road into retroville– truthfully I’ve loved it all for a long time but wasn’t brave enough to really commit until I lived in California and realized there were a lot of people who loved the mid 20th century as much as I did.
I have recently moved back to my hometown area in [state] and have begun searching for a mid century modern home to buy with my husband and kids, and along the way I am thrifting and searching for “old” furniture from the same time period.
My question to you is, do you ever get bogged down by people’s negative reaction to what you are doing or did? And secondly, was it all worth it in the end?
I love my midcentury things, but I am swiftly becoming tired of having to defend my taste to everyone I come in contact with. My husband is sweet and patient with me, but I think he wishes I’d give it up. My kids are nervous about “living in the 60’s” as they put it, and everyone else falls somewhere between thinking I’m crazy to acting genuinely threatened and angry with me for trying to resurrect the past.
I’m honestly shocked, why are people threatened by different design tastes? Have you ever had these types of experiences?
I keep telling myself that when it all comes together it will be so great and it will be all worth it, but sometimes I feel like it would be easier to give it all up.
Isn’t it strange how strongly people react to retro things?
Thanks at the very least for letting me sob on your cyber shoulder, its nice to come here and be with people with like minds.
“A”
“A”, my first thought, when I read your letter, was that I’d tell these rude people, Bite Me. Hence, the always-but-really-probably-never-appropriate Anne Taintor caption. (Better, I think, to take the high road… much as it would feel good [for a moment] to dish it right back.)
Seriously, I do have a way that I would recommend responding. But I will hold back and let the tribe offer up their thoughts and advice first.
Jody B. says
“Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don’t mind and the people that mind don’t matter.”
— Dr. Seuss
This is my favorite quote and it’s so true! It can also be applied to loving things that are important to you too. I’m into vintage 50s. If someone doesn’t like it, well that’s okay because the people that mean a lot to me in my life respect my tastes. In fact, they’re always trying to find things from the 50s for me.
“A” shouldn’t let others bother her. Life’s too short. Just enjoy your vintage things and be happy! 🙂
Jeanne says
When we were interviewing real estate agents to sell our first house, they were all concerned about what to call the style, all deciding it was best called a “cape” although “nobody really wants a cape,” but unfortunately they couldn’t figure out a way to lie and call it a “colonial,” which “is what everyone wants.” They were horrified when we suggested they call it what we called it, which is what it was: a bungalow.You would have thought we were were calling it an outhouse. They also mostly suggested we repaint our colorful house beige before we put it on the market: “the house has charm,” sniffed one, “but people don’t pay for charm.”
About 10 years later, when the house went on the market again–hey, right on trend, the realtor called it a “craftsman bungalow.” No craftsman detail in sight, but hurrah!, the “b word” was no longer verboten.
When we sold our third (colorful) house, it attracted lots of realtors who brought other realtors and clients who were not even interested just to see the decorating and “staging” although this was how we lived (just cleaner), not staged. Realtors called it “the happiest house they had ever seen” and “you feel great just walking in the front door.” So again, times had changed and what was out was now in. But of course, the folks we sold it to immediately painted it all…beige.
Live in what you love, what makes you happy, and some day, your critics may actually agree with you, but maybe they don’t. But you get what you want, with the added fun of puzzling over human nature. And a puzzled look and an unoffended “gee, I’m sorry you don’t like my house. Do you need another beer?” is probably all you need to be armed with.
pam kueber says
“Happy houses” — imagine that!!!
Karin Jeffrey says
Hi All,
Amazing and perceptive comments from everyone. My mom used to offer to “help” me buy new furniture, LOL. Shout out to the other Canadian! I know exactly what you mean about the teardowns and the McMansions. There’s a few going on right now in our neighborhood in East York, Toronto. The sad part is that these massive rebuilds show no awareness of the overall character of an area. A great Googy-style diner was torn down, as well as an amazing 1930s gas station. Personally, I think it’s important that as lovers of 20th century design in all its incarnations, we try to preserve as much as possible of it. Maybe there’s a great Art Deco movie house in your hood that’s about to become a dollar store. DO SOMETHING! This means speaking up when an overlooked example of MCM architecture is slated for demolition. Keep it going, folks! Make it our mission. Future generations will thank us.
Ranell Morris says
When someone says they don’t like something I have or something I have done, I just say that’s why you have your house and I have mine. No one seems to say anything after that!
Andy A says
I think I would tell them that they are a bit behind the times. Inform them that mid-century modern and contemporary homes of the fifties and sixties are being rediscovered, and are rapidly growing in popularity.
As an example, you can tell them about Trousdale Estates in Beverly Hills, California. The houses in this area were all built in the late fifties and sixties and include mid-century, contemporary, and Hollywood Regency architecture. This is arguably the hottest real estate in the area right now, with fixer uppers selling for upwards of $4 million.
Mid-century and contemporary are the new Victorians, another architectural style that was deemed unacceptable for a long time, and tear downs of Victorian homes were rampant until their popularity grew to the point where it became unthinkable.
I view our retro homes as the anti-McMansions, built when sheer size and impressing the neighbors with spires on the roof wasn’t necessary because the homes had classic, elegant design, floor plans that brought nature in through generous views of the outdoors, and where function and efficiency in layout carried more importance than having a great room the size of a football field. Huge kitchens and bathrooms mean a lot more steps every day–who has the time or energy for that?
Contemporary furniture is one style that can be easily mixed with other styles to achieve a cohesive decor, as its clean lines don’t compete for attention.
Basically, tell your friends and family to get out of the nineties, because mid-century is all the rage again. They can either embrace it now and be ahead of the growing trend, or they can tag along in a few years because mid-century is BACK! So is shag carpeting–that knowledge ought to give them fits!!
KateCreate says
I am so glad someone else had this concern too. We bought a house (got the keys yesterday) that was built in 1940 and one of the reasons we love the house are some of the original details but I am worried my friends won’t understand too. It’s not one of those big houses built in allotments with marble everything but it is a perfectly nice home.
My big fear is that the house needs some work and we are going to do the work (like painting) and put a lot of time and effort to get the retro look we want and someone if going to come over and go “Oh, well at least you can paint it!” thinking that it was the original.
Your friends don’t have the right to be rude to you. Everyone has their own taste. I am sure when you saw your friends’ homes you thought something was ugly, boring, or whatever…but you kept it to yourself because it isn’t nice. If someone says something mean about your home…act offended! Don’t let people get away with being rude. Don’t be rude back but let them know your feelings are hurt.
Justin says
You shouldn’t worry about what your friends think of your house. As long as you and your spouse are happy, then who cares what everyone else thinks.
Mike S says
Does mid century modern mean googie boomerangs all over the place, or those little gold specks of gold in your linoleum or counter tops? Absolutely not! Personally, my favorite decor is Danish Modern, which, to me, is the essence of what mid mod achieved, but in a more streamlined way. Like the teak look? Or how about yellowed knotty pine cabinetry? If you said “no”, then we’re two peas in a pod. If what you like is decor to fit your ’40s home, then you can find it–albeit a bit modernized. But, it is out there. I think it is perfectly suitable to “mod” any mid-mod decor. Have fun with it!
Mike S says
Did I say “little gold specks of gold”??? Yeah, I saw enough of it in my day. I remember when you could by a gold car with… a gold interior!
Rick says
WoW, talk about Retro Reassurance or Reaffirmination here! P.K. and everyone must surely be heartened by the responses.
The LW’s answer is in her question; “…when it all comes together, it will be so great…”. Or ‘it’s a work in progress’ could be a non rude response if needed.
Trying for a short answer, don’t just accumulate MCM stuff, don’t make comfort secondary to any actual MCM pieces (chairs, sofas). For the most part, it can’t be off limits to family use. Don’t try to do the whole house in one full swoop. Use all the Retro Ren visual eye candy as your design guides to get at least one room ‘done’ or pretty much done. Follow your MCM call, but also gently have your husband and kids join you. Anyone else, whatever.
Barb Holthaus says
Never understood why people react negatively to something that’s so personal. It’s just rude to say negative things about someone’s taste period. Your style is you-don’t apologize for being you.
Vanessa says
I don’t care one iota what people think of my retro look. If they don’t like it, I think they don’t have good taste. haha I truly wish no one liked midcentury. There would be tons of it, then, for me to buy very cheaply! I think Mad Men is driving up the prices.
Allison says
Haha– thats actually one of the reasons I started watching Mad Men– the plot came second 😉
Cee Cee says
Neither do I. Care what people think about my style.
I do however care what they say about it to me. I do not stroll into the homes of friends and acquaintances with a ready critique of their decorating prowess. “Oh this house really captures the furniture show room look!” or “If you are attempting to look like an HGTV reno, you’ve nailed it!” or “Wow! Your house looks so Hobby Lobby!”
I’d never say anything rude about another’s home. If anyone was rude to me, I’d call them out on it.
I’m not beyond “bite me”.
ChrisH says
“A”
A slightly different take.
First, it’s not realistic to expect people only to say nice things. That works fine on a website where comments that don’t conform to the rules can be deleted. Real life doesn’t come with a delete button. You’ll have to develop a thicker skin.
Second, it’s not really surprising that MCM (or any period style of decor) would produce strong reactions. Some people’s strong reaction is they love it. Some just the opposite. It’s too bad they can’t keep quiet if they don’t like it, but that’s life. If your decor were not capable of producing negative reactions it would also not be capable of producing positive reactions. It has power. It’s not bland.
Look how strongly people on this site react to granite counter tops for example. The people who post here may be too polite to say anything out loud, but they sure don’t mind knocking ’90s decor here on the web site.
Chad says
But that’s just the thing – people who want to knock other people’s decorating taste – a completely amoral issue that’s none of their business – should keep their mouths shut.
ChrisH says
Chad, I agree, they should keep their mouths closed if they don’t have something nice to say. But that doesn’t always happen in real life, so one may as well learn to shrug off such comments rather than letting them upset one.
The more important point I was trying to make is that MCM isn’t bland. It will produce strong feelings, often positive, but sometimes negative. MCM is the opposite of bland. No one gets very angry or enthused about bland.
Karen says
Good point. Some people choose granite and stainless steel because they think it’s beautiful, not because they’re lemmings. One shouldn’t presume that everyone who chooses something different from what you would choose (whether it’s MCM or not) is doing so out of ignorance or a lack of taste. Criticizing another person’s decorating choices is rude, period.
JKaye says
Yes, it’s a cruel world out there and we need thick skin to deal with it. But it’s so nice to know that, when visiting this blog, we can shed the top layer of our cashmere twin sets and go sleeveless for awhile without getting bruised.
pam kueber says
🙂
Allison says
I agree Chris–
I wrote the letter because I was at a particular low point. Having a “thick skin” is obviously a good quality, but enough negativity will pull anyone down after a while thick skinned or thin especially when that negativity comes from those who are supposed to love and support you the most. Would I be upset if a stranger said something rude? Possibly a bit miffed, but I could shrug it off. But when my parents are staging actual interventions and calling my things ugly etc and my Husband and kids aren’t supportive, it makes a girl question wether its really worth it all.
I think what you said about MCM garnering strong reactions either way is going to be a good thing for me to remember.