Here is a good one to end the week: Reader “A” (I cloaked her name and state) wrote recently to ask for help in responding to what she called “social backlash” — negative reactions from people in her social sphere who can’t comprehend her passion for mid century design. What shall we advise her, fellow Retro Renovators? Read on for her tale….
“A” writes”
Pam,
I’m new to your blog, and I absolutely love it, but if I’m asking something you have touched on a million times I apologize. I made an attempt to search, but came up with nothing.
I’m at a bit of a low point right now, and I’d love some reassurance or commiseration of any sort — or hey– even a reality check!
I’m just starting down the road into retroville– truthfully I’ve loved it all for a long time but wasn’t brave enough to really commit until I lived in California and realized there were a lot of people who loved the mid 20th century as much as I did.
I have recently moved back to my hometown area in [state] and have begun searching for a mid century modern home to buy with my husband and kids, and along the way I am thrifting and searching for “old” furniture from the same time period.
My question to you is, do you ever get bogged down by people’s negative reaction to what you are doing or did? And secondly, was it all worth it in the end?
I love my midcentury things, but I am swiftly becoming tired of having to defend my taste to everyone I come in contact with. My husband is sweet and patient with me, but I think he wishes I’d give it up. My kids are nervous about “living in the 60’s” as they put it, and everyone else falls somewhere between thinking I’m crazy to acting genuinely threatened and angry with me for trying to resurrect the past.
I’m honestly shocked, why are people threatened by different design tastes? Have you ever had these types of experiences?
I keep telling myself that when it all comes together it will be so great and it will be all worth it, but sometimes I feel like it would be easier to give it all up.
Isn’t it strange how strongly people react to retro things?
Thanks at the very least for letting me sob on your cyber shoulder, its nice to come here and be with people with like minds.
“A”
“A”, my first thought, when I read your letter, was that I’d tell these rude people, Bite Me. Hence, the always-but-really-probably-never-appropriate Anne Taintor caption. (Better, I think, to take the high road… much as it would feel good [for a moment] to dish it right back.)
Seriously, I do have a way that I would recommend responding. But I will hold back and let the tribe offer up their thoughts and advice first.
Joe says
Well, this article certainly hit a nerve with me! My parents’ taste was considered to be “eclectic” by their friends – my parents’ called it “it’s all we can afford and WE like it”. Honestly, I grew up quite embarrassed by it, because all my friends had brand-new latest-style EVERYTHING while my parents scoured yard sales and flea markets for “treasures”. In my 20’s I came across a bundle of late-50’s LIFE magazines and started looking through them – I was completely blown away by how COOL everything was a generation ago! I haven’t looked back since. In the beginning, I suffered a lot of ridicule and raised eyebrows, but I got past that. Now I have “reverse snob appeal”: everytime my friends or coworkers sit around bragging about how proud they are of their trendy home makeovers, I turn around and mention how my house is channeling a 60’s and 70’s vibe – they will sneer and make comments like “don’t tell me your kitchen is earth tones with formica counters and no-wax vinyl floor” and “I suppose you have wall-to-wall carpeting and a color console tv in your living room”. I turn around and remind them that at least my house reflects my personality and makes me happy to be in it, and that I see nothing stylish in copying the same-old-same-old stainless steel appliances with granite countertops and dark cabinets with laminate floors – followed by “you do realize that 20 years from now people will be sneering at your present taste?” That takes the wind out of their sails every time!
Martha says
Maybe it’s my age (64), but I would be happy to have a lot less competition for those retro bargains. Who cares what they say about my taste?
lisa says
Dang, at 44, I’m “old”?! I own a shop (located in in small town) pretty much dedicated to mid-century. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but that’s okay. hazelhome.com
Julia B. says
My husband and I get some flack from our friends about our search for retro furniture- everyone thinks we’re too young to be looking for “antiques.” I just tell them that vintage furniture is usually better constructed than new, and almost always more affordable. I don’t think “A” should worry too much. It’s your house, enjoy it!
JKaye says
There are so many different ways to approach “A’s” dilemma, and most have been covered very well by other commenters. I’ve decided to offer up a story about my “Mamaw,” who is fast approaching her 101st birthday. She is the most self-assured person I’ve ever known, and doesn’t give a hoot what anyone thinks of what she does. She’s more than happy to let you know her opinion, of course. I’ve felt burned by her criticism on more than one occasion. Then I realized that she assumes that everyone else is a tough old bird like she is, and should be able to take it. So I’ve tried to toughen up, which I’m finding comes easier with age.
At one point, she bought a dining table and chairs and matching hutch at a yard sale. They turned out to be Heywood-Wakefield, and their sleek style looked absurd mixed in with her Victorian plant stands and doily-covered sofas and chairs. She didn’t care, because the dining table had a couple of leaves and could seat a lot of people for holiday meals. She stuck plastic placemats with poinsettias onto the table, where they remained year-round, and covered the front of the hutch with photos of the grandkids and great-grandkids. To her, it all looked great.
When she had to move into a smaller home, she decided to sell the dining table and chairs, but keep the hutch. One of my cousins told her she should sell the whole set together, because she could get a lot of money for it. She insisted she had to keep the hutch since she needed it for the photo display. And, she said, she’d found someone who’d buy the table and chairs for $75. My cousin about fainted at that low price, but, Mamaw said that since she had bought the whole set for $75 at the yard sale, she felt like she was making some money on the deal.
So, Mamaw still has the hutch, and it’s combined with a smaller dining table that just might contain some pieces of pressed wood. She doesn’t care what it’s made of, as long as people are sitting around it. She now has added photos of two great-great-grandkids to the hutch. She thinks it all looks great.
She’ll celebrate her 101st birthday over Thanksgiving weekend in a dining room containing half of a Heywood-Wakefield dining set. I’m guessing she’ll be as happy as pumpkin pie. If anyone laments the loss of the table, or grumbles about anything else, Mamaw will say, “If you aren’t happy, it’s your own @#$% fault.” That’s the way she talks. She’s almost 101, so, she probably knows what she’s talking about.
pam kueber says
LOVE!
Rebecca Prichard says
Who cares? Is my response. I am sure they don’t care that you don’t like Pottery Barn. 😉
John K says
Rebecca…very well said. Brief and to the point! Pottery Barn LOL the WalMart of the decorating stores!
Sandy says
Wow. Just wow. I have never in my life gone into anyone’s house and said anything other than a compliment. And by that I mean anyone — relative or friend or acquaintance. I can’t even imagine the mindset of anyone who would. The only polite response would be something along the lines of “really? What makes you say so?” The fun in this is you get to watch them scramble as they try to explain mean-spirited nosiness away.
Seriously, though, unless you’ve put your home on some kind of showcase of homes tour, who is analyzing it (out loud)? No one you want to hang out with, that’s for sure.
pam kueber says
This reminds me, once I DID put my house on a local historic homes tour. I was hanging in the kitchen when a tourista sort of cooly looked around my kitchen, took it in and said, “The colors are all wrong.” I was taken aback, but said nothing, all the while thinking BITE ME, YOU B****. See how I remember that episode, to this day? Golly, words can hurt so badly.
RebeccaP says
Smile confidently and say, “It’s what we love!” Then, perhaps, select a favorite piece and extoll on its virtues.
My DH and I recently traded our McMansion that never felt like home for a 1952 granny ranch, complete with pink, blue, and green bathrooms, and have never been happier. Quite a few of our friends have asked if we miss the space, etc. I tell them the truth, which is not at all.
We could afford a bigger, newer, fancier house, but we found it did not bring us joy. When I look at my vintage formica countertops and Roper stove, I am taken back to my grat grandmother’s kitchen. I want to be that Granny!! My twenty-something, super hip kids love it!
Cee Cee says
I have come to a point where watching most of HGTV is not an option.
Tired of watching homes being labeled as “in need of updating” and tired of watching things that I love destroyed.
My kids are kind of alternative in general, so my decorating style is beloved by them. They both shop in thrift stores and each has a vinyl collection.
In fact, my 19 year old son found a 1965 RCA console stereo in the trash last Summer – in perfect condition! It’s in our tongue and groove knotty pine paneled family room. What a find!
Since ecological issues and artistic aesthetic are important to both of my teens, this way of life seems to be a good fit.
NancyE says
I’m just astonished that people make rude comments! I always tell people their house looks nice. I am OK with pretty much everything except Victorian, and my daughter has furnished her house with the fake Vic stuff that is out now and is made for those huge houses – it’s a bit big for her normal-sized house. When either of us asks the other what we think about an object, what we both say is “It’s nice, but it isn’t my style.” I’d leave out the “it isn’t my style” part if I were talking to anyone but her or my brother. I guess if someone were to say something really rude about my home, which is a mix, I’d say “Well, *I* like it!”
Pat says
I live in a funky house that’s VERY artistic, in the midst of a lot of vinyl sided, blacktopped houses. I’m trying to sell it, and some ‘get it’ right away, and some simply just don’t. You know you’re screwed when they say ‘well, isn’t this INTERESTING’…embrace your artistic, creative side – it’s what separates us from those that are, well, BORING. And…mid century modern is a historical, validated architectural style with a ton of history. Shame on those that feel the need to criticize. You’re AWESOME!