Here is a good one to end the week: Reader “A” (I cloaked her name and state) wrote recently to ask for help in responding to what she called “social backlash” — negative reactions from people in her social sphere who can’t comprehend her passion for mid century design. What shall we advise her, fellow Retro Renovators? Read on for her tale….
“A” writes”
Pam,
I’m new to your blog, and I absolutely love it, but if I’m asking something you have touched on a million times I apologize. I made an attempt to search, but came up with nothing.
I’m at a bit of a low point right now, and I’d love some reassurance or commiseration of any sort — or hey– even a reality check!
I’m just starting down the road into retroville– truthfully I’ve loved it all for a long time but wasn’t brave enough to really commit until I lived in California and realized there were a lot of people who loved the mid 20th century as much as I did.
I have recently moved back to my hometown area in [state] and have begun searching for a mid century modern home to buy with my husband and kids, and along the way I am thrifting and searching for “old” furniture from the same time period.
My question to you is, do you ever get bogged down by people’s negative reaction to what you are doing or did? And secondly, was it all worth it in the end?
I love my midcentury things, but I am swiftly becoming tired of having to defend my taste to everyone I come in contact with. My husband is sweet and patient with me, but I think he wishes I’d give it up. My kids are nervous about “living in the 60’s” as they put it, and everyone else falls somewhere between thinking I’m crazy to acting genuinely threatened and angry with me for trying to resurrect the past.
I’m honestly shocked, why are people threatened by different design tastes? Have you ever had these types of experiences?
I keep telling myself that when it all comes together it will be so great and it will be all worth it, but sometimes I feel like it would be easier to give it all up.
Isn’t it strange how strongly people react to retro things?
Thanks at the very least for letting me sob on your cyber shoulder, its nice to come here and be with people with like minds.
“A”
“A”, my first thought, when I read your letter, was that I’d tell these rude people, Bite Me. Hence, the always-but-really-probably-never-appropriate Anne Taintor caption. (Better, I think, to take the high road… much as it would feel good [for a moment] to dish it right back.)
Seriously, I do have a way that I would recommend responding. But I will hold back and let the tribe offer up their thoughts and advice first.
Scott says
Wow, this thread is getting better traction than a brand new set of 1959 Goodyear Town & Country Wide White Wall Snow Tires! 🙂
One other amusing thought I wanted to share, my one friend who totally does not my relate to my quest to turn back the clock dismisses everything as looking so “Jackie O.” I guess trying to put something down while actually delivering a compliment of the highest order speaks volumes about how little someone can know about a topic yet feel free to volunteer an opinion.
Justin says
I have got some negative comments as well, but nothing that is as harsh as what you are receiving.
My house is vintage/retro down to the TV sets. I have a b/w tv from 1959 as well as a color from the mid 60’s. When I mentioned to a co-worker about the b/w TV he said “You couldn’t pay me enough to watch a b/w TV.”
Most people don’t understand the love of vintage, and only want the latest and greatest, that will break-down or be obsolete within a year.
Most of my friends think my house is cool. I’m sure some don’t like it, but they don’t say anything. If they were to say something, I would probably tell them that they dont’ have to worry about it, since they aren’t welcome back. While I may not like someone else’s design, I can appreciate it.
Now, you also have your husband and children to think of as well. My husband likes the vintage and enjoys our house, just as much as me. We don’t have any kids of our own to worry about, and as far as what they want, it isn’t their house. I would say compromise with your husband. You decorate a room to your style and then he gets a room to decorate to his. He may end up just wanting one place as his “Man Cave” and let you deal with the remainder of the house.
One last thing, if someone makes a negative comment about your house, just tell them that it is what you like and that they don’t have to live there. Stick with what makes you happy and ignore the rest.
Justin says
I would also ad with something along the lines of “At least I have a taste of my own, and I’m not like everyone else who has to have the granite counters and stainless steel appliances.”
Leila says
I wrote a comment about this very subject last week and now an entire blog about it. Yeah! I said sometimes I felt “freakish” in my design choices, because I know they are so different than most. But I like being different, and I usually collect things LONG before they become popular and way before the Retro Renovation community was born. Everyone thinks I’m nuts, but I seem to have a knack for knowing what will be HOT in the coming years. Works out great that way…I find them cheaper and when they are abundant. Now years later, I have friends that rave about some of my amazing vintage and MCM ideas/possessions. I simply say “Oh, I found that about 20 years ago for a couple bucks”.
Just wait a few years…soon they will all be following your trends, not criticizing it. 🙂
Christa says
As someone who has been labeled “weird” my entire life (and now an “olds” too, hehe), let me just say that the sooner you stop caring about other people’s opinions, the happier you will be. There’s some of that old people wisdom for ya!
The way I deal with ignorant/insulting comments is the silent, gentle stare. I look the person in the eyes and say nothing for several seconds, they think about what they said, then it slowly dawns on them that they were rude and they apologize. Usually. If not, who cares? Life is too short to live it worrying about what other people like and don’t like about your choices. It truly does not matter. Your kids can benefit from learning this early.
pam kueber says
I like that! Just say nothing. Stare. People HATE silence. They will figure it out.
Robin @ Atomic Livin Home says
Brilliant!!
kate says
It’s ironic that people are giving you a hard time, when clothing and pop culture is drawing off the 60’s and 70’s so much right now. Some folks don’t have the self-confidence to stand out from the crowd, even a little, and have to bring others down with them. I have been into mid mod for 20 years, and it’s only become more popular. Practically speaking, the bright side is that you’ll be able to find more mcm stuff if nobody in your area wants it!
John says
That is so unfortunate to hear. They are obviously ignorant to the style and they need to be schooled and taught. Get some magazines like Atomic Ranch and Dwell and other Modern magazines at your nearest Barnes & Noble or whatever you have that is similar and show them how tasteful it can look and how you are not alone. I actually did that to my aunt and uncle. They just didn’t ‘get’ it. I showed them how popular it is now and how sought after those vintage pieces are. They never said anything since. Good luck 🙂
pam kueber says
I just was thinking this, too! Yes: Great idea!
Josie says
Probably the funniest Negative Nancy I know on decor is my mom.
I love my mom TO BITS. So it’s okay. It’s mostly in fun. She will scream “ewww!” but she’ll pick up things she thinks I’ll like, too. She doesn’t get my affection for anything ’20s-’50s. (“Honey, I was there, it wasn’t pretty then…”) but she’s not cruel.
Things she doesn’t like includes: jadeite, acrylics, mirrored furniture, bakelite, anything Streamline Moderne, cathedral radios, chrome edged counter tops, chrome dinette sets, drapes(!) floral wallpaper(!), hex tiles, subway tile, bevelled mirrors, ranch houses, and pastel bathroom fixtures. I am pretty sure I could make a DELICIOUS little house that I’d adore EXCLUSIVELY out of Things My Mom Does Not Approve Of.
It’s all cool. She says I’m having some sort of weird rebellion. 🙂
I tease her too. It’s all in fun. She loves natural wood and has an abiding affection for a colour scheme of ’70s B.R.O.W.N. (Beige, Rust, Orange, Wenge, and Natural) and I tease her, when provoked, that I guess I’d find it really appetizing – if I were a termite.
Vonlipi says
Last week I got carded in Maine fo buying a 6 pack! CRAZY!
Hey kid can’t you see the wrinkles and white hair???
My living/dining rooms are totally 60’s including spaghetti lamps and danish dining room table and chairs.
I feel those are classic pieces. So far I haven’t had any ngative comments about it.
What I say to ‘A’s friends and family is : It ain’t your damn business!
Your taste is probably late 80’s tacky country crap! So back off!!!
Hang in there A!
Christa C says
Dear “A”
As a Designer ( have a BA in Interior Design) I always told people remodeling ,that the first option should be to respect the house you are in. You wouldn’t strip all of the woodwork out of a beautiful Victorian, or Craftsman bungalow,and turn it into a Tuscan villa would you? Why would you take a Mid Century Gem and try to turn it into a Victorian? You ,in your remodeling sparingly, and respectfully are not only saving money and being eco consious by saving things from being tossed , are going a step further by FULLY respecting the heritage of your home and filling it with appropriate things…and more importantly, things that you love and find beautiful. No, you have not furnished your home with sets of “matchy ,matchy” things from Costco ( not dissing Costco..but have seen homes done with everything from them….boring, with NO personality-blerg) You have followed the adage of William Morris, which in my mind is nothing but truth ” Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.” You have filled your home with things that are beautiful in your eyes…and NO ONE has the right to make you feel bad about that. period. Your home is YOUR HOME.
margaret Donohue says
Hey it’s your money do what you want. We are only on this earth for a short period of time. I am not able to read all 262 comments right now but if I am repeating what someone else said I apologize. I think it’s great that people are using old stuff and giving it a second life. Happy retro buying, restoring, etc. And keep reading Pam’s site. You have to surround yourself with like minded people who “get it”. Those that don’t? Bite us!
LOL
Allison says
This is exactly how I feel, life is short why shouldn’t clothing and decor be fun?