Here is a good one to end the week: Reader “A” (I cloaked her name and state) wrote recently to ask for help in responding to what she called “social backlash” — negative reactions from people in her social sphere who can’t comprehend her passion for mid century design. What shall we advise her, fellow Retro Renovators? Read on for her tale….
“A” writes”
Pam,
I’m new to your blog, and I absolutely love it, but if I’m asking something you have touched on a million times I apologize. I made an attempt to search, but came up with nothing.
I’m at a bit of a low point right now, and I’d love some reassurance or commiseration of any sort — or hey– even a reality check!
I’m just starting down the road into retroville– truthfully I’ve loved it all for a long time but wasn’t brave enough to really commit until I lived in California and realized there were a lot of people who loved the mid 20th century as much as I did.
I have recently moved back to my hometown area in [state] and have begun searching for a mid century modern home to buy with my husband and kids, and along the way I am thrifting and searching for “old” furniture from the same time period.
My question to you is, do you ever get bogged down by people’s negative reaction to what you are doing or did? And secondly, was it all worth it in the end?
I love my midcentury things, but I am swiftly becoming tired of having to defend my taste to everyone I come in contact with. My husband is sweet and patient with me, but I think he wishes I’d give it up. My kids are nervous about “living in the 60’s” as they put it, and everyone else falls somewhere between thinking I’m crazy to acting genuinely threatened and angry with me for trying to resurrect the past.
I’m honestly shocked, why are people threatened by different design tastes? Have you ever had these types of experiences?
I keep telling myself that when it all comes together it will be so great and it will be all worth it, but sometimes I feel like it would be easier to give it all up.
Isn’t it strange how strongly people react to retro things?
Thanks at the very least for letting me sob on your cyber shoulder, its nice to come here and be with people with like minds.
“A”
“A”, my first thought, when I read your letter, was that I’d tell these rude people, Bite Me. Hence, the always-but-really-probably-never-appropriate Anne Taintor caption. (Better, I think, to take the high road… much as it would feel good [for a moment] to dish it right back.)
Seriously, I do have a way that I would recommend responding. But I will hold back and let the tribe offer up their thoughts and advice first.
Kit says
One of the most DELISH things about growing a bit older is not paying so much attention about others opinions on what I am doing and just enjoying myself!
I’d say the best response to the oddly raised brow is simply this ” Midcentury decorating and collecting is what makes me happy and what I really am enjoying! I just love the era of my parents (grandparents); so electict and whimsical!” Who in the world could argue with your happiness? If they do, they are just being contrary!
Richard Douglass says
Most people are sheep. Then there are the 20% or so who dare to be different. And bold. And creative. And follow their own path. I say, welcome to that path and the people who walk it with you.
For an interesting read about how different people look at things, (including how your house is decorated) I recommend the book, “CLASS, A Guide Through the American Status System,” by Paul Fussell. I found it highly amusing and entertaining.
Laurie says
I’m lucky in that I do not have to say anything. My maternal side is Russian and the women in our family have what some see as a gift. When anyone dares question our taste or make rude comments, we just raise an eyebrow and stare. It gets really quiet, sometimes they gasp, and then like magic the conversation changes and all is well. The look has been described as cold, icy, shoots daggers, etc… A Jewish friend said it is the same look she gives her kids, and to use the gift wisely. LOL BTW, I really love reading these posts! I am both inspired and entertained by all you guys.
pam kueber says
I wish I could raise one eyebrow!
Elisabeth says
Ha! On my father’s side of the family, we’re Croatian and we have what we call “the Mikelich Glare”. You lower your eyebrows (bushy) and just look at them…I’ve gotten great tables in restaurants that way by turning it on the maitre’d, and frightened badly behaved children! When I practiced law, I was known for making witnesses that I was deposing, cry. Very effective!
Amy says
A-ha – my dad is Croatian (that makes me half!) – and this explains that look! (My grandmother, his mom, did it REALLY well!)
Laurie says
I LOVE it! I was just a paralegal but many a client requested that I be in the room with the opposing party because of the affect I had on others. LOL! Must be in the DNA from that part of the world. I treasure it.
Dawn says
Seriously, life is too short to worry about what other people think. But, I’ll share some points of a conversation I had with my father the other day. To him, it’s just old furniture. He grew up with old furniture (probably from the 20s or 30s), and to him it’s called poverty. He also has an issue with people painting ceilings colors other than white. I told him that it was my opinion that people should do to their houses what they enjoy. If a colored ceiling makes you happy, paint it. He agreed. He has also told me my 1956 house reminds him of things that were in style when he was first married in 1957. So, while he wouldn’t live in it, I think he can still appreciate it, and it each his own.
Dawn says
I meant, “to each his own.” 🙂
Neil says
My partner and I have been inveterate collectors of oddments for over 20 years, having been in the antique business for that long: He once had a large, wide wall, floor to ceiling, stacked with vintage hat boxes! They were beautiful in our eyes (we’ve since sold nearly all of them to make way for other special finds.) We did catch a whiff or two of befuddlement, and a snicker, from visitors now and again, but that never cramped our style, nor gave us pause.
I, on the other hand, have collected vintage, movie-star-signed 8X10s and autographs for years, and every inch of every wall of our back hall is plastered with frames full of them. They’re my treasure (!), while some visitors are visibly at a loss for words. I even have three pairs of shoes that once housed the feet of three classic film divas ( Liza Minnelli, Elizabeth Taylor, Judy Garland) ensconced in clear acrylic boxes, and those really do get a mixed reaction from the hoi-polloi. To quote Judy in one of her songs, “I don’t care!”
I’ve learned over the years that coming from a confident, grounded, sovereign and caring center is the best policy in every single word and deed, and to be content to allow others the freedom to have whatever they have about it. What they think of me (and my collections) is none of My business.
And anyhoo, when I’m being true to myself and my taste, and having a joyous time because of it, I’m modeling healthy behavior that they have a chance to try on, from their own true, caring selves, if they’d like. Meanwhile, I get to live with beauty all around me, and share it with others
Neil
pam kueber says
Nicely said, Neil!
Kristy says
I’m usually so overly enthusiastic about our original features like our colored bathroom fixtures that people don’t dare to ask when we will update them, because I’ve already said that I love them soooooo much! So I don’t really have this problem but whenever people have a difference of opinion decor-wise I just say “Isn’t it nice we don’t all like the same things? It makes the world more interesting.”
One persons “Way cool” is another persons “no way”, so who cares what other people think!
Mary Elizabeth says
I’m with you, Kristy. I give house tours and gush about how excited I am with my knotty pine kitchen and new pink toilet and how I chose my laminate. Friends can see how excited I am, and if they don’t admire my choices, they are very quiet or else limit their comments to, “Wow! You are really into this, aren’t you?” or something like that. Anyone who made snarky comments hasn’t been invited back. 🙂
Kristy says
Exactly! Gush about it and they can see how happy you are, and unless they are really rude they won’t be mean 🙂
I don’t go to other peoples houses and ask when they are going to rip out that granite or paint those beige walls- I just don’t say anything!
Amy says
I’ve been drooling over RR for about a year now. We are moving to my home state and just bought a lovely 1970 almost-farm-style house that has had a few updates but so much retro potential!
I was showing my brother some of my ideas and he thinks I’m from another planet. (My husband doesn’t mind either way). I’m glad to hear Ali’s update that once it all came together, people “get it”. Maybe a few years from now (or 5, or 10) my house will be just the way I want it as well!
Love this website and all of the positivity connected to it. 🙂
pam kueber says
Well, welcome out of lurking status, Amy! Thanks for your lovely comments!!!
Sheri says
While I don’t have a lot of mid-century items, I love them nonetheless. People have asked me questions about our trips to Palm Springs and my photographs of mid-century houses. I have never had any unkind remarks made to me about it. But if someone were to be rude enough to vocalize something crass, don’t invite them to your home, don’t socialize with them, etc. Most people who gravitate to the mid-century themes like to surround themselves with like-minded people…….do that!!
Others can have their own tastes and we can have ours!! You don’t need to feel bad or apologize for what you like. Enjoy it and embrace it!!
Jean gough says
The older I get, the more I understand that our decisions are no ones business but our own and those directly affected by those decisions. Why does no one belittle those living in antique colonials that have been lovingly restored to original? Truly, I wouldn’t discuss it with anyone but your husband and children in arriving at what is livable for you all.
Judy H. says
BTW…with some of the relatives I would much prefer the Anne Taintor caption!