Here is a good one to end the week: Reader “A” (I cloaked her name and state) wrote recently to ask for help in responding to what she called “social backlash” — negative reactions from people in her social sphere who can’t comprehend her passion for mid century design. What shall we advise her, fellow Retro Renovators? Read on for her tale….
“A” writes”
Pam,
I’m new to your blog, and I absolutely love it, but if I’m asking something you have touched on a million times I apologize. I made an attempt to search, but came up with nothing.
I’m at a bit of a low point right now, and I’d love some reassurance or commiseration of any sort — or hey– even a reality check!
I’m just starting down the road into retroville– truthfully I’ve loved it all for a long time but wasn’t brave enough to really commit until I lived in California and realized there were a lot of people who loved the mid 20th century as much as I did.
I have recently moved back to my hometown area in [state] and have begun searching for a mid century modern home to buy with my husband and kids, and along the way I am thrifting and searching for “old” furniture from the same time period.
My question to you is, do you ever get bogged down by people’s negative reaction to what you are doing or did? And secondly, was it all worth it in the end?
I love my midcentury things, but I am swiftly becoming tired of having to defend my taste to everyone I come in contact with. My husband is sweet and patient with me, but I think he wishes I’d give it up. My kids are nervous about “living in the 60’s” as they put it, and everyone else falls somewhere between thinking I’m crazy to acting genuinely threatened and angry with me for trying to resurrect the past.
I’m honestly shocked, why are people threatened by different design tastes? Have you ever had these types of experiences?
I keep telling myself that when it all comes together it will be so great and it will be all worth it, but sometimes I feel like it would be easier to give it all up.
Isn’t it strange how strongly people react to retro things?
Thanks at the very least for letting me sob on your cyber shoulder, its nice to come here and be with people with like minds.
“A”
“A”, my first thought, when I read your letter, was that I’d tell these rude people, Bite Me. Hence, the always-but-really-probably-never-appropriate Anne Taintor caption. (Better, I think, to take the high road… much as it would feel good [for a moment] to dish it right back.)
Seriously, I do have a way that I would recommend responding. But I will hold back and let the tribe offer up their thoughts and advice first.
Renee says
I love my mid-century stuff mixed with newer pieces. My house was built in 1955 and I bought it 5 years ago. Anyway…I’ve painted and touched up and I finally was able to get to the kitchen. Which was painted with peeling beige paint with the grossest, dirtiest 1980’s linoleum. The original tile is pale yellow with a Robin’s egg blue trim. I had the cabinets painted white, the insides painted a Flamingo coral, painted the walls pale pink (LOVE IT) and installed a laminate cork floor and cute knobs from Anthropology in two different styles. I have a maple buffet with my Fiesta Ware and nic-nacs and a 1950’s formica dining set. It’s retro and modern at the same time. Some new friends came over and the wife asked, “When are you going to redo the kitchen?” I was like, “I DID redo the kitchen, you should have seen it before.” I guess it’s the old granite and stainless thing….which is going out of style…imho… I’m sure she was embarrassed….talk about putting your foot in your mouth! LOL
Rick S says
Renee,
I think in a off-handed way the comment about updating your kitchen was a compliment. You must have done such a good job of listening to your house she thought it was original. We all should be so lucky 🙂 .
rick
Eartha Kitsch says
I say don’t let ANYONE have control over your dreams and desires. It doesn’t matter what other people think about what *you* want. Do what your heart leads you to do and if anyone is cruel to you about your choices, then they don’t have your best interest at heart anyway – reconsider what they truly mean to you and make some cuts if you have to. Anyone who truly loves you will not mock your taste, dreams or creative outlets. I was just reading an article this morning that was written by a hospice nurse and it was about “The Five Things That Dying People Wish They’d Done Differently” and those things were mostly about how they wished that they’d followed their hearts and been “themselves” more.
It’s easy to follow the flock. That’s why so many people do it. Being different and longing for something that isn’t the norm can be a challenge but the reward is so, so satisfying. Don’t lose those dreams for anyone.
James Owens says
In defense of Roundhouse Sarah, old is anyone 10 years older than you are at any given time.
Signed
Youth +
pam kueber says
I would build on your formula by saying that the older you get, the 10 years thing gets bigger. When you are 25, it may be 35. But when you are 54 (as I am), I think ‘old’ becomes more like… 94. Well, I am an optimist.
Robin, NV says
Hah! Pam you’re so right. At 20 I thought 25 was old. Now that I’m 40, I think 80 is old.
Chad says
Well I (25 at the time) was hanging out with my grandmother’s neighbors who were almost 90 and one of them said something about “that young girl” across the hall. I got really confused but ultimately he agreed that it was normal for me to not think that the 60-something woman he was talking about was a young girl.
Betty Roth says
I’ve heard everything from “that’s the stuff my mom threw out” to “dude, you’re living in my grandma’s basement.” My favorite though was “your apartment looks like The Brady Bunch threw up.” Whatever. Some people are just not going to get it and anyone rude enough to say something doesn’t deserve an explanation. My dad used to say, “I live at home and drink from the faucet” which means that anyone not paying your mortgage or rent simply doesn’t have an opinion that matters. Besides, when their glued together, plastic, pleather, imported-from-a-sweatshop furniture breaks, you’ll have the last laugh in your time-tested mid-mod castle.
Rick S says
Betty Roth,
My mother’s term for cheap pressedboard furniture with fake woodgrain was “glorified cardboard” . I can still hear her say it.
Rick
RachelH says
I have heard through the grapevine (my children blabbing) that my mother-in-law HATES our two original mid-century couches. You have no idea how much I’d like to tell her to BITE IT.
Jay says
Sorry for your distress. Being married and having a family puts you in a large “social” sphere where so much is predicated on “keeping up with the joneses” and being measured by the size of your house/car etc and having the latest stuff. Marketing plays to this as well but then that was the whole post war consumerism drive when everyone wanted new “stuff” after the depression and war. Pam has spoken to this.
Keep a stiff upper lip and ignore these rude insensitive people, they have been brainwashed. I tend to only want people in my house who can appreciate what I have and who I am. Having said that, my house is more traditional mish mash then a distinct MCM so few comments fly except ocassionally by my snarky older brother. It’s your family that concerns me, get them on board especially your husband. Your kids have their own rooms for personal expression. Find out what they like or don’t like about the direction you are going with the for the house interior. Don’t make yourself unhappy if your vision doesn’t jibe with their impression of what your home should look like.
John in Jacksonville says
Also recently, for the first time ever, someone saw my stuff and said okay so why are you in grandma’s house? I was taken aback ots the first time i have had a negative reaction once people see it. I gave my stock response. Luckily the relatives and friends of this person who find stuff for me though dont decorate this way themselves said she is crazy, my house is cool. Cant please all the people all the time. Im sorry you are getting such a negative reaction. If it helps, we all think youre fabulous and agree with your design ideas 100% just look at our homes on tye uploader posts!
Chad says
Ironically, I’ve done a little bit of beating down criticism that my style isn’t mid mod enough. I saw one commenter say that people he knows “get it” that you’d pick sympathetic decor for a Victorian or arts and crafts house, but I have a friend who thinks I should dump all the furniture I got from family that isn’t mid-century modern, including a rather eccentric Victorian bedroom set and a light maple “mid century modest” buffet/dresser that I think has a fairly classic look. Dumping what I inherited takes me from almost enough furniture for a whole house to one small chest. I refused in no uncertain terms, claiming to value stuff with a story over even fitting my own style, and that did the trick. No promises that the mix will look good, but I’ve seen people pull it off.
AJ says
Some people go to the extreme and make vintage into a competitive sport–I know a lot of folks who are so obsessive about it that for them it’s almost more important to “out-mid-century” everybody else than it is to just have a home they’re personally happy with. It’s all about concern for what other people think, just at the other end of the spectrum. No, thanks!
Allison says
We’ll put AJ I totally agree
pyrexmaniac says
Simple solution in this day and age of “instant” acquaintances and “friends” that we barely know much less like…….UNFRIEND them. Anyone who questions your tastes, your occupation, your choice of spouse, choice of home, and so on and so on…….deserves NOT your company or acquaintance. Good riddance I say!
Rickie says
I’ve been collecting mid century for about 40 years now, way before it became so popular. My house is full of it. I love it and most of the visitors I have love it. They always say, “Your house is so homey”. That is a compliment to me.
My kids have not always appreciated it, but I just laugh at them and go on. My daughter was sitting in the kitchen one day and asked why everything in my kitchen had a face on it. I had to laugh at that, because everything from potholders to salt and pepper shakers are anthropomorphic and I love it!