A pause to discuss my sometimes bothersome journeys down a rabbit hole that I will call retro research monomania. And to politely inquire, if you don’t mind sharing: Do you suffer this occasional obsession, too, as you try to get a retro design project done?
Right up front, I want to underscore that this is a serious post, no a ha ha I am making fun of myself post. I am not making fun, at all, of manias of any nature and especially, of a more serious nature. For example, I already know that I have perfectionistic, obsession-compulsion type tendencies that I need to manage to live in a well-balanced way. In one sense, these combinations of qualities have helps make me a pretty-able restorer of my midcentury home, as I can search search search search, intensely and tenaciously, for the just-right solution to whatever I’m looking for. The whole situation also has led to this website: I transformed my researching intensity into something positive — by sharing out what I find.
All that said: There are times when my brain becomes absolutely consumed with learning about a new topic… or hunting down particular products… that, well… I know that any strength, when taken too far, can become a weakness.
I came across the word ‘hypomania’ in something I read, and at first, I thought that’s how I’d describe my retro-research-obsession-tendencies. But then, I kept going and found the ‘monomania’ instead.
Wikipedia defines monomania as:
- In 19th-century psychiatry, monomania (from Greek monos, one, and mania, meaning “madness” or “frenzy”) was a form of partial insanity conceived as single pathological preoccupation in an otherwise sound mind … and
- Honoré de Balzac describes monomania in Eugénie Grandet:
As if to illustrate an observation which applies equally to misers, ambitious men, and others whose lives are controlled by any dominant idea, his affections had fastened upon one special symbol of his passion. The sight of gold, the possession of gold, had become a monomania.
Yes, I’ll go out on a limb and say I have “an otherwise sound mind.” But, that when I get goin’, my brain can get Gorilla-glued to a single topic/project/interest. I dive in. Deep. I devour. For how long? Days, or even weeks, until I get my answer — or until, I’m flat-out brain-tired.
Then, there’s a recharge period. Often, it’s months. If I’ve just done a big project, I’m like: NO MORE for a while, everything in this house is FINE as it is!
But eventually, some absolutely tantalizing topic or idea gets my attention again, and I dive back in.
At this moment, I am fairly monomaniacally-possessed about pulling together all the details for my Mahalo Lounge. I have collected some 100 fabric samples to decide upholstery for the sectional. My eyeballs have just about bugged out looking — online and then, via samples sent to me — at oranges, greens and animal prints — in weaves, chenilles and velvets — from various manufacturers daily for … what? … four weeks? Stories to come: Which should I choose?
Now that the pile of upholstery samples is in place and awaiting a final decision, I am beginning to switch my superpowered attention to searching craigslist and ebay and etsy for — what? — two hours? — every day looking for vintage bars and bar stools. This includes: where do I really want to put the bar; based on that, what design do I want; how about the stools; what color to go with the drapes and sectional.
I design ‘in layers.’ One decision gets made — then I move to the next. Still to come: Carpet or area rugs for the room; the decision on just how we’ll faux bois all the woodwork in the two rooms; choosing lauhala mat for the ceilings; get stuff up on the walls; the lighting plan. The lighting plan! That is going. to. vex. me. the. most. I am feeling maniacal — and a bit weary — just writing this list.
At other times since you’ve known me, I’ve also been monomaniacal about:
- Vintage Christmas ornaments (for wreaths)
- Vintage dollhouses and dollhouse furniture
- Vintage dollhouse dolls (I discovered Erna Meyer dolls [affiliate link] and decided they were awesome, and Kate agreed — those are Erna Meyer dolls in her photo above)
- Vintage Hawaiian dresses
- Vintage Hawaiian dress patterns
- Vintage caftans
- Tapa cloth
- Of course: Vintage steel kitchen cabinets — the monomania that started the blog
- In a way, I am monomaniacal when I am at an estate sale. I look everywhere. Every corner, every closet, every rafter. It’s like — I am in a dream — yes, delirious — when I am at the sale. I think there must be a lot of adrenaline or some such chemical pouring into my system before and during. It takes hours for the haze to clear.
When I get my monomania looking for a product/project solution, I can spend hours and hours without stopping, researching these items. My husband, he is amazed at how long I can sit at a computer and work. When I am “into” something, I really need to work hard to focus on other aspects of my life. I have never been a foodie, never cared much about cooking; at these times, it’s worse than ever. Thank goodness for Trader Joe’s frozen enchiladas. Here’s my recipe: Nuke ’em according to directions. Then open a can of pinto or black beans, drain, and nuke them, separately. Then put the enchiladas on top of the beans and nuke for another 30 seconds. There’s enough sauce in the Trader Joe’s enchiladas to sauce up the beans, too. Nom nom.
I also love Amy’s frozen entrees, the mateer paneer, in particular.
I would not say that my occasional monomanias disrupt my life in any truly serious way — and in many ways, they bring me tremendous joy. I also think that being able to focus intensely is part of both my nature, and my nurture. I an inquisitive and like to explore topics thoroughly — I have always been an excellent student. I majored in journalism — and the heart and soul of journalism is ‘reporting’ — that is: researching all angles.
When I am being gentle and kind to myself, I consider my ability to research so intensely a strength that contributes greatly to my hobbies and enables my current vocation and job: Understanding, exploring and sharing midcentury material culture and through it, social culture and history. But, if I am also being honest to myself, I also know that sometimes it can get out of hand. I can get… burnout… the up… the high… then the down… the low… overload… and exhaustion.
I’m not really a goal-setter. But a goal for me this year: (1) Remember to pace myself; (2) very importantly, be sure to spend lots of time with friends and family; and (3) overall, aim for better balance — so I can live a long long time and keep exploring!
Robin, now in WA says
As a professional researcher (I’m an archaeologist) I can totally relate. But I see the ability to focus intensely on a topic as one of my strengths, not a problem. I do a lot of archival research and I like to call myself an “archive weasel.” I like to burrow deep into libraries and archival repositories and dig and dig until I find what I’m after. I have a very astute little voice that tells me I’m on the right track and that I just need to dig deeper. It’s rarely let me down. Now, that being said, occasionally in my personal life I can see that my intense need to understand all and everything about a topic can be somewhat problematic. I get upset when my husband doesn’t join me in my mania, for example. I’ve also been known to bore perfect strangers with too much info! But all in all, I like my mania.
Markie Crossman says
In the developmental disability world, we would call that habit having a “narrowed interest.” Some individuals with autism, for instance, would have an all-consuming passion for trains and all minutiae that are train-related. This trait, however would last for a very long time (years) if not life-long. I believe what you are describing and much of us share, is simply passion for our love of midcentury and translating that into our most intimate surroundings, our home. Decorate on!
Mary Elizabeth says
Yes, if you think we are a little bit monomanical about mid-century modern, you should take a look at websites for people with other interests. My DH has found several blogs and web sites related to collecting batteries, including this: http://www.flashlightmuseum.com
Stacia says
I would say two things: 1) your monomanias have saved countless people SO much stress and anxiety just by having this blog to help them leap through steps in their process instead of having to go down every rabbit hole as you describe. Thank you–you can take a lot of pride in that! 2) Some people are just geared this way. My DH is like this. I always say it’s like he has a laser beam attached to his forehead. Whatever that beam is focused on, he does at 500%, to the exclusion of most everything else. It usually works out because he does things so well and so thoroughly. On the flip side, and maybe this applies to you as well, if he doesn’t have anything to focus that beam on, he gets restless and obsessive about “fixing” things that don’t really need to be fixed. That’s when we both know a new project is in order. 🙂
Amber says
I thought I went through this because the house we bought was completely gutted. We had to start from scratch, so once a project is done and I feel good, another thing will come up that I need to obsess about. Sometimes, I even have a hard time saving money, because once I get a new idea in my head, I have to see it through almost right away (after all the researching, of course). I’m a stay at home Mom, so again the ease of being able to search whatever whenever probably doesn’t help me. And every Christmas, I think I’m done searching for whatever it is I’m looking for in the decor area, but then a few months before the next Christmas, I’m back to searching for how to get more/improve.
Chad says
I can relate a lot. I had to rework my kitchen before moving into my house and was nervous about making mistakes with the layout. Especially because I put in drywall soffits a year before cabinets. And I decided on a layout that was tighter in front of the fridge than kitchen planners recommend.
But I had an armoire in the house at the time, and I put it where I wanted the refrigerator. Then I had remnants of the old kitchen, lumber, plywood scraps, and stuff lying around and I measured everything off and made a full-scale mockup of the planned layout. I had fun with it after that and found a milk jug that I was using to hold paint and acted out getting drinks out of the refrigerator. The layout works great! Maybe you should try that for your bar.
(I have a photo of the mockup here: https://chadscrookedhouse.wordpress.com/2014/10/30/planning-post-part-2-making-the-cabinets-fit/)
I got neurotic about every little detail for years, but as soon as I decided on something I was fine with it and moved on. Trouble is, committing to the fact that I will be fine with it adds even more pressure to be neurotic while I have the chance!
J D Log says
If I understand you correctly Pam this is my interpretation of what your saying with my personal views. I have been interested in the 50’s since I was about 19 in the early 80’s.
I am a perfectionist in restoration and research these gifts? can been asset and a curse. I have little tolerance of people doing things half hearted. At the same time as I get older I realise the importance of time out. I find that due to the long hours of shift work which have peoples lives in my hand. I have decided to work less overtime which never stops. As I have grown older I have now realised time is more important then money.
I still find I take on to many volunteer history research projects for people with the vast library and knowledge I have acquired over the years.
On the plus side over the last couple of years I now go camping twice a year where no phone contact is possible and once every 2 weeks I have a computer free night have a beer and listen to 50=60’s music and take stock of what I have achieved and chill out. I guess in summary what I am saying is that when a pleasure becomes a chore step back from it until it becomes a pleasure again
pam kueber says
On a recent vacation we watched no TV. We read books. WE READ BOOKS! What a joy that was.
I hear ya: “When a pleasure becomes a chore step back from it until it becomes a pleasure again” — well said!
Thank you!
Bobbie says
Hi Pam,
Thank you for this post. Yes, I have had this issue. When I got my small mid-century-modest bungalow fixer-upper I was excited to bring some retro charm to, especially, the bathroom and kitchen. At first I wanted to do them both but after obsessing over the very small kitchen I was exhausted and it would be another year until I could even think about the bathroom — which wore me out even more (hex tile is not for the weak and is a nightmare for a perfectionist). My contractors were totally hyped about doing rooms with a retro feel, but I think I wore them out too. When I’ve discussed this with people, it is usually received as humor, but at the time it was anything but funny, but rather extremely stressful. In my kitchen, which has an odd layout, for instance, I was incredibly focused on which appliances to buy. I wanted a vintage stove, but it was difficult to find one in working order, or to find someone willing to get one into working order. New appliances that had a retro feel seemed right, but I needed a counter-depth fridge and many seemed too modern. Everything seemed to stainless steel and I wanted my appliances to be white. Then there was the sink – every iron drainboard I found was either the wrong size or badly damaged, I thought about one of the new repro ones, but they had just been announced and I didn’t feel like I knew enough about them yet. It went on and on. Your site helped me tremendously. Through your posts and others’ comments I was finally able to find the then-new GE Artistry line, which worked for my stove/microwave and while the fridge in that line was too deep for my kitchen, an add on your page directed me to a Summit fridge that complemented them nicely, and looking at others’ beautiful kitchens made me realize that I didn’t need a drainboard and the white enameled cast iron drop-in would do the trick. And that was just one element of the kitchen. The small kitchen. The bathroom is a whole other story. Thanks for what you do!
pam kueber says
Yes, it can be SO EXHAUSTING! I’m glad the site helped. This reminds me: Some of the GE Artistry products seem to have been discontinued. I need to get clear info from the company and do an update. Glad you got yours in time! If you are game, send me some photos of your kitchen, I’d love to see. Start with https://retrorenovation.com/contact
Rick G says
I really do know what you mean Pam, I’m the exact same – ( perhaps we’re related ?!? ) ……… I find it very hard to settle for second best, or to compromise. Once focused on a project, I have to go all the way, or not at all….. once I’m focused, there is nothing else that matters around !!! – I’ve found over the years, that the little details are the most important; somethings, perhaps trivial to some; drive me nuts …… like light switches, even those must represent mid century. . Your correct, that it is all about balance though, there is a fine line between being focused & being obsessed . I’m trying to keep it fun & enjoyable. I try to be thankful that I’m able to live out this “fantasy” !! ……. I know there are many people who will only be able to wish that they could do what we are doing . Anyway, enough ranting – back to the question at hand – my new plan of attack, is to dedicate X amount of time per day, to each project & then stick with that & allow time in each day for the other things that I have to do & the rest, for what I want to do ( such as hobbies ) – Also, I’ve found that doing each area in “layers” over time, works better for me, than stressing by trying to force it all together at once ; I kinda prefer it this way, I like to treat the rooms as an ongoing piece of art , that can always be changed and added to; I never say “it’s finished” ……. for me, it’s more fun to discover items, or see things in a different way down the road & then add that to the room to improve the look & feel….. it gives you something to always look forward to. In any case, I think just going with the flow & not worrying too much, is what people such as you & me; must remember and follow ……. after all – it is all about the fun – right ?….. and I’m real determined to continue having it !!! – Have Fun – & lots of it !!!
pam kueber says
You makes some great points. Yes, I think that when it comes to doing things that are ‘optional,’ if one is not doing them in a way that feels ‘fun,’ then some rethinking/slowing down is in order. I remember thinking about this in terms of making my vintage Christmas ornament wreaths. My third year of wreath-making, I remember it being a very busy period, and I started to feel stressed about making the wreaths — like it was taking me too long — it was feeling like an ‘obligation.’ I knew that was krazee, so I consciously allowed myself to slow down — to take as long as it needed to take — to ENJOY doing it as I was doing it. And maybe, to make fewer, so there was less pressure. That really worked!
Gotta do that with some of these other projects too! Yes: They are optional!
lynda says
You are probably OCD in a good way. At least you get things done and you are very creative. I can relate, I also share some of your traits. I can get into sewing projects, Christmas projects, remodeling projects, etc. with tremendous focus.
Just keep plugging away and making yourself happy. You have accomplished a lot in your personal life and on your blog. I am sure you have helped many fellow OCD folks remodel and perk up their homes!
Maria says
There is no joking, “ha-ha” angle on the subject. In order to “do vintage” properly, this IS something that requires intense attention to detail, a serious level of concentration, and that most precious of elements: time. As for the heavy-handed research to get it right, before you invest money and effort into something? That’s the nature of the beast; you don’t want to look back a day, a week or even a year later and go, “Oh, I didn’t look into it enough, and I did it wrong.”
Because it’s not about just searching online or at sales for things that you like or that would be just okay or fit well enough. It’s considering the options that existed in the past versus the options that are available today, it’s about learning the maintenance and upkeep of your chosen items, it’s about achieving the right look with no regrets… and, in your case, it’s about passing that information along to others that might wish to embark on similar projects. (For me, I’m mortified if I contribute to the proliferation of inaccurate information, especially if I later find myself one click away from the correct data.)
And as far as designing in layers? That’s a great organizational technique, rather than buying and setting things up “as the spirit possesses me.” Again, it allows focus on one design element at a time, and encourages you to do your best on something from Day One.
Carolyn says
I agree with Maria when she said “considering the options that existed in the past versus the options that are available today,” – the old “I wish I knew then what I know now” syndrome. Had to let go of the 1959 Liberty because DH works at THD and would bring home “stuff for the trailer”…and it wound up being “stuff”.
I wouldn’t call what you have a malady but of being “in the zone”. Maybe it sounds worse than it really is because you work from home – what are other people doing at their workplace but…working?
And, once the Mahalo Lounge opens, at least one weekend a month you’ll be socializing, ainso?
pam kueber says
Yes, I think you make a great point: My working from home may make me feel more ‘krazee’ at times. When one is in a workplace with other people, there are a lot more breaks to chit chat, have lunch together, etc., as well as meetings of course.
And yes, “in the zone” — that’s a friendlier way to characterize it, for sure!
KStacey says
Well, not being home can be good and bad. Because it can be distracting, obsessing over when you can leave to get back to something REALLY IMPORTANT waiting at home. Or having that lightbulb/breakthrough idea moment, when you can’t do anything about it for several hours. Boo!!
Kristin says
I totally relate to this: That’s the nature of the beast; you don’t want to look back a day, a week or even a year later and go, “Oh, I didn’t look into it enough, and I did it wrong.”
I have perfectionist tendencies which can result in a kind of paralysis and become the enemy of progress. I am so terrified of getting it wrong that I have trouble even starting.
Even now, after I’ve just finished a gorgeous kitchen remodel, I’m looking at things I wish I’d done differently, and it’s not that they are wrong or bad, but they’re not “just so” and it’s hard to let them go. Like, should have gone with a rounded corner rather than a squared off one, on my countertops. Details that NO ONE else notices or cares about.