Here is a good one to end the week: Reader “A” (I cloaked her name and state) wrote recently to ask for help in responding to what she called “social backlash” — negative reactions from people in her social sphere who can’t comprehend her passion for mid century design. What shall we advise her, fellow Retro Renovators? Read on for her tale….
“A” writes”
Pam,
I’m new to your blog, and I absolutely love it, but if I’m asking something you have touched on a million times I apologize. I made an attempt to search, but came up with nothing.
I’m at a bit of a low point right now, and I’d love some reassurance or commiseration of any sort — or hey– even a reality check!
I’m just starting down the road into retroville– truthfully I’ve loved it all for a long time but wasn’t brave enough to really commit until I lived in California and realized there were a lot of people who loved the mid 20th century as much as I did.
I have recently moved back to my hometown area in [state] and have begun searching for a mid century modern home to buy with my husband and kids, and along the way I am thrifting and searching for “old” furniture from the same time period.
My question to you is, do you ever get bogged down by people’s negative reaction to what you are doing or did? And secondly, was it all worth it in the end?
I love my midcentury things, but I am swiftly becoming tired of having to defend my taste to everyone I come in contact with. My husband is sweet and patient with me, but I think he wishes I’d give it up. My kids are nervous about “living in the 60’s” as they put it, and everyone else falls somewhere between thinking I’m crazy to acting genuinely threatened and angry with me for trying to resurrect the past.
I’m honestly shocked, why are people threatened by different design tastes? Have you ever had these types of experiences?
I keep telling myself that when it all comes together it will be so great and it will be all worth it, but sometimes I feel like it would be easier to give it all up.
Isn’t it strange how strongly people react to retro things?
Thanks at the very least for letting me sob on your cyber shoulder, its nice to come here and be with people with like minds.
“A”
“A”, my first thought, when I read your letter, was that I’d tell these rude people, Bite Me. Hence, the always-but-really-probably-never-appropriate Anne Taintor caption. (Better, I think, to take the high road… much as it would feel good [for a moment] to dish it right back.)
Seriously, I do have a way that I would recommend responding. But I will hold back and let the tribe offer up their thoughts and advice first.
Joe Felice says
Most certainly, MCM is not homogenous! While there may have been many notable standards, such as boomerangs, bold geometric prints, Coca-Cola, aqua, turquoise & pink, gold flecks, chrome, laminates, and all sorts of other asundrious bling, the style is one of the most diverse we’ve ever seen in history. I mean we even had poodles, cats, and Tiki, and velvet Elvis for goodness’ sake. And yes, the timeless beauty of Danish modern, which never went out of style, continues to impress. I think this is what draws us to this period–it’s what makes us feel happy in our surroundings, and, in the end, I think that’s what the period was all about. And it’s a reason why we love this site, so we can see the vast expanse of creative ideas and bounce ideas off of each other in our never-ending quest to achieve the perfect MCM home (for us).
Anastasia says
Don’t forget those “Country kitsch” cabinets with the scalloped railing over the windows too……….I on the other hand will just look at the “poor” 80k untouched MCM in a 200K neighborhood that “need major renovation” & see that it just needs to be cleaned & resealed & LAUGH my tushie all the way to the bank!
At least houses were ORIGINAL back then, even tract houses in the same neighborhood look unique from each other. Nowadays they are just clones………..poorly designed, poorly built clones to be exact.
James says
I blame HGTV. Too many people think you have to strip out anything more than 5 yrs old and replace it with beige and brown.
All kitchens must be stainless steel and granite.
All bathrooms must have ridiculous vessel sinks and oil rubbed bronze hardware
All furniture must be wi-fi compatible
People have no taste anymore so everything they like is bland
lynda says
I may not always “love” the houses I visit, but I love people that love their houses and work hard to create a home that makes them happy. I think that you can appreciate any style when it is done well and the owners are passionate about their choices.
Jason says
I think the comment about “olds” took this topic way off course. I moved into my home (built in 1985) in 2009, a year or so after Mad Men began on AMC. Since I needed to redecorate and love the program, I took inspiration from the show and now have a late 1950’s/Very early 1960’s decor. The quality of the furniture surpasses anything of today and it’s been FUN!
I have been thinking about the same question in regard to finding a girlfriend or potential wife. I am 51 and I really do not need someone to come into my life and say, “I don’t like your furniture. I don;t like your car. I don’t like that you have guns and enjoy shooting sports. You have to get rid of all of it so we can have OUR things”. I suppose I understand, but, I think I would just tell her to leave.
Brenda Reamy says
Jason…that is the funniest comment I’ve read on this thread so far. You win the prize. lol
Lauryn says
A little late to the conversation, but I thought I would add my two cents. While very few of my friends share my passion for mid-century things (mostly from the early midcentury for me), so many of them love that about me AND go out of their way to bring me little treasures for my house. For which I am SO grateful. And while many of them don’t share my love of vintage things, they see how beautifully it all comes together and how it fits our little 1939 gem.
That said, the issue here really is people giving their opinions when their opinions weren’t helpful or kind. When Pam featured our kitchen (thank you, Pam) the comments were overwhelmingly supportive, but it WAS the negative ones (on Facebook) that stood out. And I’m not really sure why that is or how to handle it. Philosophically, I can say what other people think of me is none of my business, but it’s not always that easy to fully embrace that ideal. I do know, however, that anytime we try to justify or explain our choices, even if it’s to say we like saving the planet, or saving money or even just I love it, we give merit to others’ criticisms.
So all of that said, if someone says I would never paint that wall orange, or I can’t stand 1940s wallpaper, or I would never want that (fill-in-the-blank), the best response may be, “Well, that’s unfortunate.” Period. And end it right there, no explanation, no justification. Put it right back on them and let THEM be the ones doing the scrambling and fumbling to try and explain THEIR choices.
And p.s., when you live places where MCM is NOT cool, stuff is much cheaper. Cracked ice tables in Seattle were a small fortune; I found two here in Iowa in mint condition, one for $50 (with 4 chairs) and one for $10.
pam kueber says
I don’t generally delete comments on Facebook the way I do on my “own blog.” I agree, it’s a problem. See how words can hurt us! It’s so sad.
Lauryn says
Certainly don’t expect you to have to monitor Facebook … I think some of the negative comments were from shares (like on Big Chill’s and Bradford & Bradford’s shares of the post). I’m actually fairly appalled at how the anonymity of the web allows people to behave in ways they might not otherwise. And I’m constantly amazed at how so many of us allow the negative to overshadow the positive so dramatically (there were WAY more positive comments on my kitchen)! Probably why you have such a strong following, Pam … it really is a pretty darn supportive community you have created, so thank you.
Allison says
Lauryn,
I love this you are so right. I definitely feel like when we make excuses for our decisions we are giving merit to others criticisms. I’m going to make it my goal to never do this.
Joe Felice says
Good points. Why can’t people remember that not everyone likes the same things? Friends of mine recently remodeled their kitchen, totally in conformity with HGTV and the current style that is so uniform–dark cabinets, granite counter tops, stainless-steel appliances and tile floor. It was all very beautiful, if you like that sort of look (which I abhor). My comment was: “It is very beautiful, and I can see that it is to your style and liking. I wouldn’t want it in my home, but it fits you perfectly.” I thought that was pretty tactful, but in an e-mail, the husband said: “I can’t understand how people can stand that ’50 s*** (edited), and can’t move out of the dark ages,” which I found to be a bit harsh. I just don’t want a kitchen or bath that looks so formal, or like a living room. And actually, my living room is not even as formal as some people’s kitchens. I want my home to be casual, to be inviting and welcoming, and to elicit happiness. Even people who don’t share my taste often comment that this is how my home makes them feel, so I guess I have succeeded, at least in this.
Allison says
See?? This is exactly what I’m talking about. Why on earth would that person feel so threatened by people who like the 50’s?
I have a theory:
Perhaps that couple (like possibly many others) remodeled their kitchen for the sole purpose of garnering validation about their decisions, and that is why they get so angry that you are into the 50’s (or whatever decade).
Anastasia says
My comment will be, and this is the truth, They DON’T make things like they used to. Seriously, they don’t. I’ve seen so many GORGEOUS older homes around here and the newer ones, not so good. It’s like they crumble in your hands. And this is HURRICANE COUNTRY & yet I’m still saying that. (seems like the newer stuff with stricter codes would be better but it’s not true) So to have quality you either have to SERIOUSLY have cash in hand to pay for a true master to do it or do what I did while househunting & google “what to do with a pink bathroom” & End up at Pam’s place & go *face palm* well duh, I can live with this, and now that I’m looking I can see the difference between old & well kept, old & just grungy & just plain old trashed (which knows no decade) Most people ASSUME it’s always the last one, but that’s not true. As our most recent “RoundHouse” has proven, it’s just dirty & old, but in EXCELLENT CONDITION & should be treated as such. Meanwhile I’m waiting to win the lottery BEFORE the 800k down the street sells FULLY FURNISHED! (cheesy Grin) because they don’t make them like that anymore! Or as another commenter responded “Reduce, reuse, recycle”. And if that doesn’t FLY in your new neck of the woods (like cloth diapering doesn’t here in mine) Just add up the total cost, usually shuts people up BIG TIME. (Seriously hurricanes are an issue here, stores close all the time, la dee da) You’re spending LESS on QUALITY STUFF, meanwhile I’m already having to replace the sofa I bought LAST YEAR (ugh). & remember the “tribe” is always here!
pam kueber says
my favorite line of the day: “… now that I’m looking I can see the difference between old & well kept, old & just grungy & just plain old trashed (which knows no decade).”
Exactly.
Allison says
I love this too
John K says
I agree with many of the comments here especially who gives a darn what other people think about MY home. I love my vintage home and my Scottish Terrier isn’t complaining about it either so our little family of two live happily ever after in our beautiful, restored (not renovated) 1960s suburban home. While a lot of homeowners these days are “keeping up with the Joneses” making HGTV their benchmark for style I simply remind myself that it is not for me (I don’t even subscribe to cable TV anymore because it is a waste of money and I don’t watch 300 channels LOL). I could care less what people put into their house or what some lunatic on HGTV or in a design magazine says is so great about stainless steel and granite which I do not find appealing at all.
Randerson says
Oh, and one more thing… I was there for the first go-round for this MCM stuff, and no one has improved on it yet!
Randerson says
I don’t know about us being elite… but “Bite me” works for me… at 63 I know what I like and really don’t care what anyone thinks – one of the benefits of being an Olde Farte, I guess!
Just ME!!! says
I’m a slightly younger Olde Farte, but have pretty much the same attitude. My motto is if it’s not immoral or illegal, and if it doesn’t hurt too much (added after my first tattoo!), why not! And what would I say to them? a great quote used in the South that has soooo much meaning, “Bless your heart!” 😉
Carl says
Face it, we are in an elite minority who know about architectural and design history. I just smile and keep my mouth shut when someone talks about “updating” my house. They usually don’t know anything except what they’ve seen on HGTV. In defense, I do have to say all of my friends love my house even if they don’t want theirs to look the same.
Joe Felice says
Unfortunately, HGTV is not our ally very often. It keeps encouraging people to tear out and replace, especially pink bathrooms, and it pushes (incessantly) stainless steel and granite, ad nauseum. Where’s David Bromstad when we need him?
KM says
Nicole Curtis on Rehab Addict is the BEST! She is one of us- saving old houses.